T A B L E_T A L K Offer your tips to a Table Talker who plans to spend Easter in Paris with his son   How-to, why-not and what-for -- find it all at barnesandnoble.com Search by:  Keyword Title Author     R E C E N T L Y Michelin madness By David Downie An exclusive club of upper-crust chefs waits patiently each year to see who is added to -- or booted out of -- the fold (03/11/99) The new North Vietnam By Jeff Greenwald A visit to Hanoi and environs reveals the complicated legacy of the war (03/10/99) Clash of the camels! By Laurie Udesky On Turkey's Aegean coast, wrestling beasts relieve winter's monotony (03/09/99) The wizard of Oise By David Downie Vincent van Gogh still draws painters and pilgrims to the Parisian suburb of Auvers-sur-Oise (03/07/99) Siberian wasteland By Jeffrey Tayler An overland journey exposes a traveler to the hazards of radiation, desolation and snowstorms (03/05/99) Browse the Wanderlust Feature archives Wanderlust's Official Travel Book Partner		FAMILY SANITY | PAGE 1, 2 - - - - - - - - - - My second discovery was to work with the material you have. Crawling babies who are into licking floors need to go somewhere clean. Preschoolers who are in love with water want to go to shallow beaches. All kids need frequent pit stops at big, empty, run-around-and-yell spots. Outdoors is always good. Frequent changes in hotel rooms are not at all good. Come to think about it, frequent changes in anything are not at all good. So a sample day in Vienna with a 2-year-old could be arranged like this: In the morning, when she's at her best, go to Schoenbrunn. After the palace tour, have a picnic lunch on the grounds, where she can run around. Then it's back to the hotel for a nap, when the shop-happy parent can slip out for some errands and the non-shopper can read. After the nap, take a ride to nowhere on the Ringstrasse trains and visit a coffeehouse for snacks. Then, stroll through the streets and visit a nearby playground, where you get to talk to some friendly locals. Next it's on to an early dinner before the toddler gets cranky, to the street musicians for a quick dance, then back to the hotel for toddler bedtime and dresser drinks for the parents. Last and most important: Get help, get help, get help. Don't believe your friends and relatives when they say, "Oh, we'll help you watch little Hannah." They have forgotten that "watching" is actually a grueling triathlon of chasing, grabbing and herding, with an event change roughly every 30 seconds. My mother, who promised to wake up with Lily at 6:30 a.m. so that my husband and I could "sleep in," finally roused herself at 8, yawning, "I heard you, but I just couldn't make myself get up." One friend of mine spent New Year's Eve at her in-laws' estate, holed up in her room with a colicky baby. "We'll help watch little Sam," the in-laws had promised, "you need to get away for a night." But when the champagne hit the flutes, they suddenly got a lot more interested in socializing than in holding screamy little Sam. No, family isn't enough. What anyone traveling with a small child needs is reliable help and plenty of it. I'm not talking an expensive nanny or hotel sitter. Those solutions work for an occasional dinner out, perhaps, and even then, you have to schedule them, and worry about the quality of care, and the kids themselves are stuck with a strange sitter in a strange hotel room instead of enjoying what everyone came to see. In Venice, we discovered that the answer is a kind of team travel. There, we met up with another couple and headed for the Biennale art exhibit. They offered to trade off Lily-duty and we accepted. Miraculously, we managed to see most of the show while all four of us took turns chasing the 2-year-old through the pavilions. My husband and I were hooked. We realized that it's much better to haul along an entire other family. This has the delightful effect of increasing the adult-to-child ratio. And if the family has its own children, the bonus is that there are pals for everyone. Team travel is even cost effective -- everyone's going the same place together, so they all pay for themselves and nobody has to pay for sitters. Last winter, in Bonaire, we booked some team travel and found true Child Vacation Nirvana. We took along Lily's best friend, his mom and dad and their fabulous beach tent for a week of world-famous snorkeling and scuba diving. It was bliss. In the mornings, my husband and I were on toddler duty, hauling the kids and their tent off to a nice beach or taking them on a long walk for ice cream. After nap time, Dylan's parents took over while my husband and I snorkeled, read, ate or, you know, vacationed. Every night for dinner, one set of parents cooked in the condo for the kids while the other set went out. My husband and I got tans. We went snorkeling together. We ate out and indulged in long, uninterrupted conversations. It reminded me of a friend's idea of creating pornography for new parents, which would consist of glossy pictures of adults engrossed in really thick novels, eating messy chocolate desserts while reclining on white couches, or enjoying a moment of silence over after-dinner drinks in a quiet, dimly lit restaurant. The kids got tans. They splashed at the beach. They ate huge amounts of fish and bananas and read books to each other. Wherever we took the kids, who are exactly the same age, we got the admiring attention normally reserved for parents of twins. So now, we don't go anywhere without securing at least two other willing adults, preferably with at least one child. Last fall, we stayed on the Chesapeake with the aforementioned New Year's Eve friends and their son. This winter, we ate and biked our way through Key West with Dylan's family. This fall, we're braving the overseas flight again for another two weeks in Europe with the Venice helpers. So here's my advice: Glom on to another family and start edging them toward team travel. Flip through your address book right this minute and target some likely candidates. Whether you're hoping to see the pyramids or just survive Disney, this is the way to go. SALON | March 12, 1999 Phaedra Hise recently moved from Boston to Richmond, Va., where she writes about business, technology, fast airplanes and small children. She is currently at work on her third book.