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Holy pastry | page 1, 2

My mind raced. What could possibly account for this doughnut-based mania? Some kind of junk food Revelation, one in which the entire population of Southern California suddenly repents of whole grains, tofu and raw vegetables at exactly the same moment? Or millennial fatigue, all of us finally tired of the elaborate, 50-year lifestyle experiment of the "California Experience?" Had the mythology of the Golden State just become too cumbersome to maintain, and had the green and white Krispy Kreme banners come to finally call our macrobiotic bluff? Was it all a high-cholesterol renunciation of our regional cultural pride, a dim and intuited confession that Californians were, after all, normal, and ordinary, with the same lumpy hopes and unholy doughnut desires as their brothers and sisters in less fashionable quarters of the nation?

We took our place in line, which stretched around the shop and into the parking lot. The atmosphere was oddly, unexpectedly convivial. People huddled cheerfully in the darkness, sharing intimacies with absolute strangers, as people will when pressed together by extraordinary events. Soon we, too, found ourselves chatting with fellow travelers on this inexplicable high-calorie hajj: How we had heard about Krispy Kreme; how otherwise thinking people could come to be found so far from home, at midnight on a Saturday, standing in the cold and waiting for doughnuts; what we might order if we ever got inside.

Some of my fellow pilgrims anticipated the flavors of their salvation: chocolate with sprinkles; powdered sugar; old fashioned. PDG demonstrated her gnosis of the subtleties of devotion: "Oh, no, you guys -- you only want to get the glazed, yeast doughnuts, the ones they make fresh all night long." She gave them a look of expert conviction. "The ones that go straight out of the oil, through the syrup and into your mouth," she testified, acting it out with hula hands. The rest were dumbfounded, but convinced. PDG has that effect on people.

This sparked a discussion of the completely automated doughnut assembly line at every Krispy Kreme shop, displayed prominently behind a wall of glass. "It's true!" one believer gushed. "You can see them made! All the way from batter to glaze -- never take your eyes off 'em." Part of the experience, we learned, would be our slow progress past the mechanism as the line approached the cash register. This piqued my curiosity, and clarified the moment somewhat. Here, at least, was some small thing to be genuinely excited about: Doughnut ontogeny.

Another hour in line, and I knew it was true about the doughnut machine. There was something implausibly satisfying about peering through the glass at the languid, inexorable progress of legions of doughnuts in their journey from extrusion to maturity. It was hypnotic; the intricate workings of the device induced fanciful reveries of metaphor. Soon I found myself attributing profound symbolic significance to this pastry passion play, as if I were witnessing the mysteries of some obscure, deep-fried Tibetan bardo:

Life begins
We fall, barely formed
from shifting, shapeless primordial batter
onto the conveyor of life

Up and down we travel in the rising chamber
gathering strength as the yeast-force builds within us
We descend into a tribulation of boiling oil
We begin to develop our doughy potential

Midway we are flipped, realizing our duality
(and ensuring an evenly distributed, delicious outer crust)
Those uninverted ones will fail to attain doughnut nature
and be cast into the void

We emerge into the world through a curtain of sugar syrup
Some will go on heroic journeys
Some will never leave the shop
All, in the end, are devoured by gigantic, hungry beasts

The final product does nothing to betray my creation fantasy. There is something vaguely fetal about Krispy Kreme glazed doughnuts. They are warm, spongy, implausibly light. They nestle together in the box like a litter of kittens.

I begin to understand. This excursion was never about doughnuts; we have come to the temple, where the mysteries of creation have been laid bare. Doughnut fate, finally, is the same as ours: We will be placed in a box, there will be a final reckoning, a bell will ring and we will be shoved across the counter into the unknown.

Make mine glazed, please. Fresh ones.
salon.com | March 10, 2000

 

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About the writer
Thomas Scoville is either an Information Age Savant or an ex-Silicon Valley programmer with a bad attitude. He is the author of the Silicon Valley Tarot.

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Related Salon stories
Krazy kravings L.A. lines up for Krispy Kreme and other doughnut spots.
By Mary MacVean 03/10/00

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