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"There are twelve thousand airliners in the sky making over 15 million flights and carrying 1.3 billion passengers annually," he writes. "With all that activity, worldwide there are only about fifty to seventy accidents that destroy commercial aircraft (including jets, small turboprops, and cargo planes) every year. Not too shoddy compared to the carnage on the highways below."

After this little statistical security blanket, he goes on to offer advice about how to maximize your safety on a plane. "Ask for the first seat in from the aisle in the second-from-last row," he says, reasoning that "this gives you a clear shot for the rear exits, puts you near where the crew hangs out, close to food and drink, gives you a full row in light flights to stretch out and sleep, and lets you see the entire length of the plane."

Come Back Alive Up the Amazon Without a Paddle

Then he describes graphically what it's like to crash: "There are really two crashes ... The first bang is the plane hitting the ground at flying speed, followed by a period of what seems like weightlessness. Usually enough to gently launch projectiles in the air above your head and dislodge overhead luggage. The second crash is the doozy. That's where structural damage usually occurs and all hell breaks loose. It might be a solid object that stops you, or your plane may decide to do flaming cartwheels through a corn field. It's all in somebody else's hands now. When a plane crashes, all that snazzy carry-on luggage takes on the character of a missile. Food carts slice off passengers' arms, and even people flying through the air kill people."

If your plane does crash, Pelton says, don't try to be polite. Do whatever you have to do to get out of the plane. You'll be a lot more help to others alive than dead. "In most cases," he writes, "people do a lot of screaming and huddling down in their seats. That's okay, just let them. People freak out on airplanes because they are not used to fighting for their lives when seconds earlier they were having a second Bloody Mary and watching their favorite movie. Don't be shy about crawling over people."

He also wisely recommends heading for the back exit, since most people surge toward the front of the plane to get out -- and that's where most passengers are seated to begin with.

Finally, he adds: "Don't wear synthetics, since they burn or melt. Wool and leather can save your life."

Pelton finishes the chapter by giving the national/regional scorecard for air accidents: The most dangerous place to fly is "anywhere in Africa." The safest is the United States. In the middle are Latin America, the Middle East, Asia and Eastern Europe. Russia is 10 times more dangerous than the U.S., he says, and the risk in China is 20 times higher. As for airlines, Pelton writes, the most dangerous ones of all are local carriers in China, North Korea, Colombia and central Africa -- "and pretty much any airline that has a flying goat for a logo." But then he adds: "Flying in the third world, though, is a lot less terrifying than taking a local bus. If you are given a choice of taking a clapped-out airliner over a mountain pass or a clapped-out bus, take the plane."

Most of the other chapters offer similarly hard-won, realistic words of advice.

How practical is it all? Well, hopefully, most of us will never need to know how to survive a plane crash or a kidnapping or an extended stay in a desert -- but it doesn't hurt to know about them. And if I ever were faced with such a predicament, I would certainly be happy to have some hard-bitten tips tucked away in a dusty corner of my brain.

Perhaps the ultimate message of both "Up the Amazon Without a Paddle" and "Come Back Alive" is this: The world is fraught with danger, but that doesn't mean you should cower in bed with the covers over your head. Au contraire, the best response is to embrace the wide wild world, with all its dangers and delights -- just be sure to have your eyes open, your wits about you and your zest for adventure honed.

To which I would add: And be sure your sense of humor is always near, and your heart is at least as big as your fear.
salon.com | July 14, 1999

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