Digital charity cases

When all else fails -- beg. That's the dot-com survival strategy at DotCom Welfare, where the welfare recipients wield Palm Pilots.

"Have you spent all your venture capital on weekly rock concerts and Super Bowl ads?" asks the site. "Are you beginning to suspect that your 'No-Revenue Business Model' isn't as profitable as you hoped? Beg your users for some money!"

With the motto "Save the startups!" DotCom Welfare invites floundering dot-coms to panhandle for spare capital over the Web. Start-up sympathizers moved by pitiful appeals from the likes of 321Gone and AdsByNet.com can make donations using PayPal, with the DotCom Welfare site taking a 5 percent cut. Why not? After all, begging worked for Blogger.

The welfare workers behind DotCom Welfare concede that, yes, the site is just a joke, but they're still accepting donations and at last count have raised a whopping $342 for one hungry site, Secure Assure. These same pranksters have pledged to take up a collection by virtually passing the hat for any company seeking to sue Microsoft. DotCom Welfare wag Julio Alejandro Rodriguez explains: "Microsoft is a bad, bad company and it needs to be punished. If God won't do it, I guess that really leaves it up to us." He adds that Bill Gates is "a sack-sucking monkey-boy. But this has nothing to do with our decision to issue this invitation." -- Katharine Mieszkowski [3:44 a.m. PST, Jan. 18, 2001]

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lego porn?

We at Salon Technology & Business were saddened and disappointed to learn of what is, we suspect, only the latest violation of common decency on the Internet. Legos, those beloved staples of our childhood playrooms, are now, it seems, being configured into perverse positions and sickening scenarios that no well-reared tyke could possibly have dreamed up.

No, this is not the first time that innocent childhood playthings have been treated thusly, but it is, we pray, merely the last gasp of a fast fading fad. (One question: we don't recall those curious appendages in our Lego sets -- where did they come from?)

Thankfully, for every Larry Flynt, there's a Steven Spielberg, which is why we may happily bring a little sunshine to this otherwise bleak report of Internet toy abuse. At BrickFilms, animated Legos takepart in wholesome escapades like "Lego War" and "Ninja Attack." The soundtracks are lively, the images are crisp and none of the scenes take place in a men's bathroom.

While some among us may feel tempted to investigate the first of these Lego genres, we strongly recommend the latter. -- Amy Standen [11:45 a.m. PST, Jan. 18, 2001]

- - - - - - - - - - - -

The Gray Lady gets in bed with Drudge

The New York Times is certainly not your average dot-com, but the recent downturn has forced even the formidable Gray Lady to cinch in her belt a few notches. Just a few weeks ago, New York Times Digital laid off 69 employees in a debacle publicized in the pages of the newspaper before the ax even fell. On Thursday, a leaked memo published at Jim Romenesko's Media News Web site revealed that the publishing company is now enforcing a hiring freeze across its many papers.

But for a true sign of just how bad things must be at the Times, head over to the Drudge Report. No, the infamous gossipmonger doesn't have any dirt on the company, but his Web site is suddenly boasting paid online advertising from the Times. Is the newspaper really in such need of traffic that it must stoop to advertising with its mortal ethical enemy -- someone that Times columnist Frank Rich described as "a fedora-wearing grandstander" and "the devil of journalism incarnate"?

Kathy Park, a spokeswoman for the Times, says that "it's a package issue -- one of those package issues where the Times is advertised on various different number of media sites, and the Drudge Report happens to be one of them." Maybe so, but Drudge must surely be laughing all the way to the bank. -- Janelle Brown [11:30 a.m. PST, Jan. 18, 2001]

- - - - - - - - - - - -

How to beat the geeks

It's happened to the best of us: You're being argued into a corner by a techie who is geekier than thou, and you need to preserve the mirage of your brilliance without admitting that your technical chops have been one-upped. Fortunately, the Pigdog Journal has done your homework for you, and compiled a useful list of 70 "Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument."

For example: "I like your idea. Why don't you write up a white paper and we'll review it at the next staff meeting?" or "I don't have time for this extropian nonsense." And, of course, there's the ever useful "Yes, I believe that's the approach Windows NT is taking," which is sure to bring your opponent to a screeching halt. Sure, it's desperate and childish -- and your project may suffer because of it -- but hey, at least you won't lose your argument. -- Janelle Brown [5:15 p.m. PST, Jan. 16, 2001]

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Got a tip for the In Box? E-mail us