21st Challenge results
Take this job and post it! High-tech style help wanted ads for low-tech jobs.
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By Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau
Aug. 28, 1999 |
Help-wanted ads, like any other form of marketing, tend to overstate the case. In this Challenge, we asked readers to submit help-wanted ads for mundane jobs, yet to use the hyperbole typical of high-tech job postings. While none submitted postings for the proverbial ditch digger or refuse collector, these submissions prove that any job can be wrapped in buzzwords.
THE WINNER
C8-H10-N4-O2!!
Does this stimulate you? Work with other technicians in a client-driven, custom-process, rapid-turnaround, organic synthesis laboratory. 1 year+ of industry experience with pressure vessels, steam aeration and chilled lactose processes is essential. Competence with sucrose-flavone methods helpful.
Barista applications available at any Starbucks.
No slackers.
-- Barry Brumitt
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Ring your own bells!
Legacy wireless communications system needs fresh blood and strong backs to port their protocols to 21st century standards. Challenging project requires ability to work independently. Harmonics experience an asset.
Position: Apprentice Bell-ringer
Contact: qmoto@cathedral.com
-- Heather S. Logan
Are you a power user with a conscience?
If the nature of your work environment is important to you, join us on the "cutting edge" of today's fastest-growing "Green" business. Your virtual office is state-of-the-art hardware uniquely designed for the I-superhighway of the future. Some travel required.
Contact: hiring@Interstate_Mowing_Services
-- John Herpel
Join the largest fast-track company in America. Transportation giant needs experts in installation and maintenance of massively parallel systems.
Job title: Track gang worker
Contact: HR@UnionPacificRR.com
-- Val Manes
Be the first! Make a path that others will follow.
Openings available in Cryogenic Crystalline Relocation. Be a part of mankind's foremost Cryogenic Experiment! We provide the windows-driven vehicle you need to push your way to the top!
Send resume to: RockyMtSnowPlow.com
-- Leonard Bykowski
Thanks for taking the 21st Challenge. Check back in two weeks for another contest.
salon.com | Aug. 28, 1999
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About the writers
Charlie Varon is a humorist and playwright. His works
include "Ralph Nader Is Missing" and "Rush Limbaugh in Night School." Jim
Rosenau is a writer, editor and software designer in Berkeley, Calif. Jim
and Charlie are also co-founders of the citizens group Californians for
Earthquake Prevention and partners in Mockingbird Media, which
offers a full line of comic services.
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