King Kaufman's Sports Daily

Dear readers: This misunderstood columnist owes you a Terrell Owens-style apology. Sor-ree. Jeez.

Read more: Sports, Football, NFL, King Kaufman, Terrell Owens, Sports Daily

Nov. 9, 2005 | As you know, I have been suspended and told that I cannot write King Kaufman's Sports Daily for the rest of the season.

I am a writer and this is what I do. It really hurts me not to be part of the editorial staff anymore. It particularly hurts when I go to the grocery store. I came here to help Salon get to the Webby Awards and win the big, uh, whatever you win there. And get paid. Way more than I'm getting paid now.

I think the mentality that I have, my greatest strength can also be my greatest weakness. I'm a self-centered, self-absorbed jerk with no concept that my actions and words have an effect on others, or that other people even have feelings. Sometimes, this quality can actually work against me.

I'm sorry that it works against me.

I'm a fighter. I've always been and I'll always be. I fight for what I think is right, and to hell with what actually is right, or what anybody else thinks is right, or anybody else, period. In doing so, I alienated a lot of my readers and co-workers.

It's incredible how sensitive these bozos are, but I want to make it clear I'm sorry they're all so sensitive.

To those readers who have supported me through these tough times, I thank you for your support. I know there aren't any of you, but it looks good to thank someone. That and a little tearing up really gets across the sincerity and contriteness. (Must think of Pepsi the dog getting hit by a car when I was 7. Poor Pepsi. Oh, Pepsi!)

I want you to know that I am sorry (sniff) this has happened. To you, I apologize.

To my co-workers, a lot of you have been a friend to me and I appreciate that. I can't tell you how much I wanted to fight along your side to take this Web site to higher circulation numbers, but I thought I'd stab you in the back instead. That's just the way I was brought up. I do what I think is right. It was very painful for me not to be there with you to throw books at Google.

Also, I would like to reiterate my respect for Joan Walsh as an editor and as a boss and as a person who can dock my pay. I apologize to her for any comments that may have been negative. I don't think Salon would have a fistful of Pulitzers if Al Franken were our editor. Salon's not eligible for Pulitzers anyway.

Next page: All I did was agree with a statement! Plus: Raiders OK with clock ticking away. And: Beatpaths? Beatpaths