A group of us were jammed into the corner of the kitchen when someone asked if any of us had seen a T-shirt with one of those top 20 lists of euphemisms for masturbation.

"Male or female?" I asked.

"What?" a young man replied with a surprised look on his face.

"Male or female? Were the euphemisms for male or female masturbation?"

A conversation stopper. He confessed that they were probably the former. It became a bit of a party game to guess at a few of the likely examples: jerking off, waxing the board, shooting a wad.

I was then asked by a handsome young man, "Well, what do you call it -- jacking off?" My husband's name is Jack, so that's not an option. I asked another woman in the group if she had a name for it.

She smiled and said, "I call it 'The last time I saw Elvis.'"

We tried to come up with others, such as tying knots, twirling, ring around the rosy, but none sounded right. Someone suggested "playing with yourself," but I didn't like that because it made me think of dressing up a Barbie doll. I left the party dissatisfied. And curious.

So I did what every modern mother does -- I invited a focus group of mothers I know over for a virtual cup of coffee. I e-mailed each of them a short questionnaire about how they learned about sex, and from whom, and a variety of other topics like masturbation, oral sex, homosexuality and orgasm. The mothers mentioned in this article are practicing artists, as well as active feminists with original minds, ranging in age from early 30s to early 60s. To protect their privacy, I've used initials instead of their full names.

I should start with my own story, which is part of my quest to be an enlightened mother. I want to figure out a way to tell my daughter about things like masturbation and orgasm -- not to mention sexual intercourse -- in a more creative way than my mother did, which was to completely avoid the subject. The only conversation she and I had about sex was when I was 16 years old. It went something like this:

The scene is the den. We are both watching something on television.

Me: "Do you believe in premarital sex?"
My mother: "No."
Me: "Well, I do."

End of conversation.

Private Life Romance, relationships, and the personal side of Table Talk