My husband of less than a year has the expectation of daily sex. He keeps precise records about how often we have sex and how satisfying he believes it has been. He has made it clear that he will divorce me if we do not have the type and frequency of sex he desires. He critiques my sexual performance, means of initiating relations and lingerie. I have never rebuffed his advances and have tried to be available to him as often as he'd like. I knew he had a strong sex drive when we married, and I have no problem with that; it's just that the quota system and hanging threat of the dissolution of our marriage is leaving me cold.

Am I wrong to feel he is being unreasonable? Am I wrong to believe there's more to "love" than a sexual quota?

Love Quota

Dear Quota,

He keeps precise records? That's amazing. Does he keep any other kind of journal, or will this ledger form the sole record of his existence should he shuffle off this mortal coil unexpectedly from terminal blueballs? I'm sorry if I seem to be making light, but please, my dear newlywed, get some perspective on your situation. Threats are the weapons of tyranny, and tyranny has no place in a marriage. As you say, there's nothing wrong with having a strong sex drive. But he has created his own court of the marriage bed, his own code of wifely procedure and his own system of erotic surveillance. He's running a little police state.

Of course, there might be those who find that romantic, especially if he puts his boots on first. But most folks don't like their sex acts graded daily in a book. In America, we tend to frown on such things, because they remind us of totalitarian regimes whose crimes against humanity we do not wish to see repeated. I get the feeling it doesn't exactly make you feel like lighting candles and drawing a bubble bath either.

So, to answer your questions explicitly: No, you're not wrong to feel he's being unreasonable, nor to believe that there's more to love than a sexual quota. You have a lot of work to do, and if he's not willing to do it with you, you're probably better off getting out of this marriage and starting over. Consider it a foible of youth. One day it will make a funny story you can scandalize your married friends with.

Dear Cary,

I am 32, married, one kid, homeowner, good job, yada yada. If you saw me you might even find me attractive, some say in a model sort of way. And then I smile and you may still find me attractive or you may not. In my mind's eye, you do not. It is simple: I am unhappy with my teeth and therefore I am unhappy with me. My question to you: Is it too late, at my age, to get braces? Can someone like me wear braces with pride for two years and feel no shame? Am I acting like an adolescent when there are bigger worries in this world? Or are my fears about my smile legitimate since I live in America where your looks are everything?

Pretty in an Austin Powers sort of way

Dear Pretty,

By all means, get braces. It's certainly not too late. They make them practically invisible these days. They aren't just cosmetic, either; crowded or crooked teeth are harder to clean and thus more susceptible to gum disease later in life. So go find a dentist and do it. You'll be glad you did.