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People Feature
Suite for heartbreak and name dropping
In the midst of a deathly tome overflowing with her dratted ego, Judy Collins attempts to tell the unembellished tale of a sad death. And she pulls it off.
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Nothing Personal
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Column
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Nothing Personal
The google-eyed gourmet
Christopher Walken hot to cook and chug castor oil; Marilyn Chambers is back to her old tricks; Carrie Fisher on bonkin' Steve Martin. Plus: Mama Cass, Karen Carpenter and, uh, a brunch-related query.
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Brilliant Careers
Marcel Marceau
He remains the unquestioned master of the art that dare not speak its name. That's his strength and the art's weakness.
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[07/27/99]

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Now comes this sad news: In addition to the triple-tufted swamp sucker, the ruby-crested cliff maggot and the sideways burrowing mattress weasel, yet another noble creature is headed for extinction. Yes, no sooner was the American bald eagle removed from the endangered species list than the American Mafioso was added. According to a report this week in USA Today, the mob is all but kaput. And you know we're going to miss 'em. In Cleveland, once a stronghold of organized crime, La Cosa Nostra currently has two, that's right, two members, which means the entire Cleveland Mafia has to ride in the same vehicle if they want to use the carpool lane. Pathetic, huh?

"Cleveland's top Mafioso," the article states, "is said to be Joseph 'Joe Loose' Iacobacci, 51. Mention him to retired Cleveland Police Chief Rocco Poluttro [Rocco Poluttro!], and you'll get a laugh. 'If he's the best they have, we've won,' says Poluttro ... 'If you gave him a million dollars, would he know how to launder it?'" Now that's gotta be hurtful. What's worse, the last time there was a Mob initiation in Cleveland it was hosted by the FBI -- to catch crooked cops.

But the grimmest news comes from Al Capone's old stomping ground, Chicago, where, USA Today reports, "The Outfit" stands at three crews (down from seven), with a corresponding drop in membership over the last decade. A recent count indicates there are only about 50 authentic made guys remaining in the city!

This is plainly a catastrophe, an organization in crisis. But wait, it gets worse. In New York, a city you'll remember was the setting for "The Godfather," the Mob's monopolies in garbage collection, concrete pouring (which presumably includes the manufacturing of cement overshoes) and garment trucking are in danger of collapsing. And to add insult to injury, the paper asserts that New York law enforcers have "smashed [the Mafia's] extortion rackets at ... the Fulton Fish Market and the San Genaro Festival in Little Italy." Porce miseria!

But before drowning your sorrows (or yourself) in a vat of Chianti, know that the FBI does hold out a wee canapé of hope. "Cosa Nostra is down, not out," chirped the bureau's Washington organized crime chief, Thomas Fuentes. Premature reports of the Mob's demise have surfaced before. The USA Today article notes that in 1963 then Attorney General Robert Kennedy said the Mob had suffered "a blow from which it will never recover," back when Joe Valachi decided to sing. But the '60s were glory years for the Mob.

Perhaps the most poignant indicator of the Mafia's decline can be found in the recent return to prison of one of Kansas City's last Mafiosi, Pete Simone. Under the terms of his probation, Simone was not allowed to enjoy the artful diversions of a strip club for more than 15 minutes. Last month, the USA Today article reveals, Simone's probation officer saw him hit a boîte called Bunns for three and a half hours and back to the slammer he went.

Bunns?
salon.com | July 29, 1999

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