To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People Jan. 27, 2000 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/feature/2000/01/27/jfondaside Jesus Christ vs. Ted Turner Are their uncanny similarities mere coincidence? You be the judge. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Lance Gould Don't cry for Jane Fonda, America. Yes, she is suffering through what is no doubt a traumatic breakup with her husband, Ted Turner, but she'll find solace in the arms of her new man, Jesus Christ. As she puts her trust in Him, she just might find that He bears many similarities to her still-legal spouse, Ted. For example ... Blank Jesus Christ Ted Turner Nicknames "Son of God," "Little Child of Bethlehem" "Captain Outrageous," "The Mouth from the South" Claim to fame Subject of musical, "Jesus Christ, Superstar" Owner of cable TV superstations Impressive water stunt Walked on it Won the 1977 America's Cup Made a name for himself in the Middle East Yes, preaching there Yes, with CNN's Gulf War coverage Altruism Preached good will toward all men Created the Goodwill Games Performed miracles Turned water into wine, etc. Turned perennial-loser Atlanta Braves into World Series champions; turned black-and-white movies into full-color movies Inherited his father's business Yes, Judaism Yes, billboard advertising company Deals with enemies by Turning the other cheek Challenging them (as he did Rupert Murdoch) to pay-per-view boxing matches in Las Vegas Was once Time magazine's Man of the Year No, actually Yes, 1991 salon.com | Jan. 27, 2000   - - - - - - - - - - - - About the writer Lance Gould writes for television and magazines. He also wrote "Shagadelically Speaking: The Words and World of Austin Powers." He lives in New York.