And all those rumors?

"It makes me sad, but I can't control what people think," the actress said during a recent TV interview. "Elton is going to say that and it's going to be read by so many millions of people. And I can't meet those millions of people and explain the circumstances of my life."

Those circumstances include the rigorous schedule she's been keeping filming "Cold Mountain" with Nicole Kidman in Romania.

"I've been running up mountains in Transylvania for six months every single day and herding cattle and carrying things and building fences and riding horses," which explains her buff physique, she says.

And the premiere-party puking?

"I was dumb enough to eat some chicken salad that was sitting out on the table for eight hours," she explains.

Cluck, cluck.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

I guess that's a no, then

"People don't ask Andre Agassi, 'You know, you're the No. 1 tennis player in the world ... have you thought about polo?'"

-- Rob Schneider on being asked if he's ever considered tackling a serious dramatic role, to the Associated Press.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Still alive, still troubled

The chid-star curse has struck Adam Rich yet again.

The actor once known as cute little Nicholas from "Eight Is Enough" was arrested in Los Angeles in the wee hours of Wednesday morning after cops nabbed him for driving in a closed highway lane and almost colliding with a police car.

According to the Associated Press, the police, suspecting that Rich -- who has struggled with drug abuse in the past -- was driving under the influence of some substance or other, booked the 34-year-old formerly famous kid and then took him to the hospital for treatment after he complained of a pain from an injury apparently unrelated to his arrest.

No, I don't think it was heartburn from Pop Rocks and Coke.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Panties in a bunch, maybe

"There is no need for anybody to get their knickers in a twist."

-- Paul McCartney on Yoko Ono's reported objections to his crediting Lennon/McCartney songs to McCartney and Lennon on his upcoming live album.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Juicy bits

Buh-bye, Britney. Hello, Beyoncé. So sayeth the Pepsi marketing people, who have decided to replace Spears with the Destiny's Child frontwoman in their new ad campaign. "We are really looking to take the work in a different direction," a Pepsi spokesman told the press, noting that Knowles had "achieved tremendous success and popularity in both music and movies." You don't suppose that's a slam at "Crossroads," do you? Naaaah.

Proof that there's life after conviction for Winona Ryder: Marc Jacobs, one of the designers whose products she swiped from Saks, has asked the sticky-fingered actress to appear in an ad campaign for his clothing. "We would like to use Winona," the label's president, Robert Duffy, told the U.K. Sun. "She's always been a very good customer of ours. Of course it will be controversial but not in a negative way. She has been wearing Marc Jacobs for years." I hope she cut the security tags off them first.

Apparently my knowledge of crayfish couldn't fill even the smallest lobsterpot. Several readers have written in to reassure me that Russell Crowe is actually being quite generous to splash out for one crayfish for each guest he's expecting at his upcoming New Year's Eve party (which, yes, some people suspect might be a sneak wedding). It seems that, in New Zealand, a crayfish is a full-size lobster -- not the miniature lobsterlike creature I had in mind. All clear? Good. Let's all retract our claws and move on.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

Become a Salon Premium Affiliate. Click here.