The Britney Spears-esque singer/actress clinches it by sharing a special story revealing early signs of her own stupidity in the current issue of Teen People magazine.

"The first day of seventh grade, I was very nervous," she tells the magazine. "I was in history class and the teacher said to raise your hand if you knew the continents."

Simpson did.

"I said, 'A, E, I, O, U,'" she says.

Then, in case you missed it, she adds, "Those aren't even consonants, they're vowels!"

Don't ask y.

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She likes it rough

"I get kind of excited about getting beat up and thrown around."

-- Jennifer Love Hewitt on getting roughed up by Jackie Chan in "The Tuxedo," to Reuters.

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Diva droppings for sale

What am I bid for Mariah Carey's half-eaten turkey sammy?

If Atlanta radio talk-show host Jeff Dauler has his way, you may have your chance to get your hands on Carey's crusty old lunch leavings. But first, Dauler will have to get around eBay, which removed the sandwich and garnish from its site late last week after bidding reached $751.

The auction site's spokespeople told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that the item "does not appear to be consistent with eBay guidelines ... All food and related products sold on eBay should be packaged or sealed to ensure that the buyer can identify evidence of possible tampering."

But Dauler told the paper he intends to try, try again. He maintains that the sandwich, salad, pickle and garnish, in a "handy deli box," are being offered not as foodstuffs -- as his description has clearly indicated they have not been refrigerated since she left them after a visit to his station, Q100, and are not safe to eat.

Rather, Dauler says, "This sandwich is a collector's item, for the true Mariah memorabilia collector."

That's Mariah's mold, too.

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Terminate this joke

"This is a decision that I leave to the Almighty -- my wife, Maria."

-- Arnold Schwarzenegger refusing to say, at a luncheon in Beverly Hills last week, whether he's planning to run for governor of California, according to the Associated Press.

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He's no Arnie

At least there's one actor out there who genuinely seems to have no interest -- none whatsoever -- in going into politics: George Clooney.

Clooney says he has way too many skeletons in his closet for that.

"Run for office? No!" he tells WENN. "I've slept with too many women. I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties."

Too bad, because his pet pig, Max, would make a lovely first lady.

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