"I'm 47 years old, standing up here and love is still hard," he told the crowd at a recent New York gig with his band, Willis and the Accelerators. "I still can't figure it out. Love stinks."

And now he's looking to pass the pain of thwarted romance on to any would-be suitors for his eldest daughter, Rumer, who's 13.

"Rumer is starting to get interested in boys," Willis informs the London Evening Standard. "I think I'll just kill the first one that turns up and hope the word gets around."

Not exactly father of the year material there, is he?

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Simple thoughts from a simple guy

"You know, when I started I liked Big Macs and Budweiser and I still like Big Macs and Budweiser. I am happy to make money. I want to make more money, make more music, eat Big Macs and drink Budweisers."

-- Kid Rock on how success hasn't changed him, on an upcoming episode of the Burly Bear Network's "AV Squad."

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A plea for decency from the "up the butt" man

Guess who no longer cares to know the strangest place you and your spouse ever made whoopee? Bob Eubanks.

The 64-year-old former host of "The Newlywed Game" and "Card Sharks" is returning to the tube Sunday to take a special look back at the best and worst episodes of his classic marriage-testing show on the Game Show Network.

But don't expect him to come out of retirement and get back to asking recently returned honeymooners about their spouses' favorite place to be tickled. He's over it.

"I'm glad I'm out of the game show biz," Eubanks tells Wireless Flash News. He thinks today's game show hosts go "too far," that they've lost their basic sense of humanity.

"Weakest Link" host Anne Robinson, for instance, is just unnecessarily nasty to contestants, Eubanks contends, and is apt to make them clam up.

And these days, Eubanks, who travels the country lecturing people about interpersonal relations, is all about getting people to open up.

Whoopee!

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Don't sound the buzzer just yet

"We have decided to attempt a reconciliation and our efforts to do so would be greatly enhanced if the privacy of our personal lives is respected."

-- Michael and Juanita Jordan, announcing that those differences that caused them to file for divorce a few weeks ago may not be so irreconcilable after all.

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Scarier than your average fan

Meg Ryan's obsessive fan is not just any obsessive fan, as it turns out. He's an obsessive fan with an apparent affinity for guns.

John Michael Hughes, the 30-year-old Florida man who recently broke into the wrong house in search of Ryan, reportedly once showed up uninvited on George W. Bush's Crawford, Texas, ranch toting a 9 mm pistol, a rifle and two shotguns.

For that transgression, he spent four months in a psychiatric hospital. And now, he's been ordered by a Santa Monica, Calif., judge to steer completely clear of Ryan, her family, her home and the home he thought was hers -- for the next three years.

"There is not a fiber of doubt in my mind that Mr. Hughes is delusional," psychiatrist Dr. David Glaser testified in court. "I believe that Mr. Hughes is a danger to Meg Ryan's safety."

Hughes, for his part, insists the whole thing is just a big misunderstanding. "My wife is a little upset with an incident we had a few months ago," he said, displaying his conviction that Ryan and he are legally wed.

He claims he married the star not long ago in Vancouver. But I seriously doubt he has proof of wife.

This story has been corrected since it was first published.

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