As if Anne Heche hadn't caused her ex-girlfriend enough pain by leaving her for a guy she met right under Ellen's nose, she's now declared that she was "insane" throughout their entire three-year relationship.

Now that she's re-embraced heterosexuality and gotten herself hitched (last Saturday) to cameraman Coleman Laffoon, Heche tells Barbara Walters in an interview airing tonight on "20/20," she's "all here."

"I could not be more elated with my life," she says.

Oddly enough, Heche says that post-Ellen Fresno freakout of hers -- which she finally admitted was Ecstasy-induced, not sunstroke -- was the moment she first had clarity.

Before that, she says, she'd been suffering from mental illness brought on by sexual abuse at the hands of her father from the time she was a toddler until she was 12. At times during the first 31 years of her life, she believed she was two people. One of them, Celestia, was from another planet, which further explains all that Fresno stuff.

But Heche does throw DeGeneres a few crumbs in her new book, "Call Me Crazy," which she's currently touring to promote (so much for a honeymoon), and in the Walters interview.

Their meeting, she says, was love at first sight.

"And you wrote in your book it was the best sex you ever had," Walters presses. "Better than with any man?"

To which Heche replies, "Yep."

Lovely. Best wishes to the bride and groom.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Poor, poor pitiful Paltrow

"If you think about the whole world focusing on one person that much -- if you pointed that much energy at an atom, it would explode. You think about one poor, tiny girl just trying to make her way through."

-- Gwyneth Paltrow on the explosive aspects of fame, in W.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Majors' major complaints

If you think the years have taken their toll on Farah Fawcett, look at her ex-husband and former partner in '70s iconhood, Lee Majors.

Majors, who is 62 and has lived in Florida since 1991, is headed back to Hollywood to try to get another break in the TV biz. But he's a bit of a broken man -- and he blames bionics, or rather, his stint as "The Six Million Dollar Man."

"When I would jump into a scene, I always had to land stiff-legged and couldn't go down on my hands because I was bionic," Majors tells the National Post Online. "I had to absorb it all in my knees, and all that sudden impact really killed them."

His left knee has to be operated on, and he also has a broken tendon in his right shoulder.

"Yes, the bionic man has got to go in and be rebuilt," he tells the paper.

We have the technology ...

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Prince Charles in a cancan? Let him out!

"Hooray!"

-- Prince Charles, when a batch of skimpily dressed cancan dancers at the British premiere of "Moulin Rouge" on Monday told him they would perform as part of the show.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Juicy bits

Kate Winslet has gushed about her marriage and described the most intimate details of pregnancy, childbirth and their effects on her body. But now that she and her husband, Jim Threapleton, are splitting the sheets, she'd really like us all to respect her privacy. "This is an absolutely amicable separation and it is a mutual decision between both of us," she told reporters on Tuesday. "Jim and I have great respect for each other. There is no malice at all. It is extremely sad but we are all fine. Jim and I are both communicating constantly. Mia [the couple's 11-month-old daughter] remains the happy child that she always has been. That is all and I would be grateful now if you would respect our privacy." I guess sharing with the world that your thighs looked like broccoli is one thing ...

What will they say ... Monday at school? ABC TV is doing what 'N Sync apparently couldn't do: reviving "Grease." Didi Conn, who played Frenchy in the original film, is producing a made-for-TV follow-up to the 1978 flick. And while the original film -- all poodle skirts and pompadours -- was set in the '50s, this movie will catch up with its characters in the year 1979. ("Peggy Sue Got Married," anyone?) Conn is hoping some of the original cast members will step back into their old roles. I, for one, can't wait to hear John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John sing that heartfelt duet of love and loss, "You're the One That I Wanted."

And speaking of blasts from the past, Danny Bonaduce, of "The Partridge Family" fame, has apparently done what Lee Majors only dreams of: He's breaking back into TV. The former "Behind the Music" poster boy is set to co-host a new syndicated talk show, "The Other Half: The World of Women Through the Eyes of Men," with Dick Clark, Dr. Jan Adams and former "Saved by the Bell" star Mario Lopez, the New York Daily News reports. Producers describe the show, which launches next week, as a male version of "The View." And you thought that's what ESPN's "Up Close" was.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

Become a Salon Premium Affiliate. Click here.