"After 13 years" with Hugh Grant, she tells the upcoming issue of Jane magazine, the sex became "less than adequate." They haven't tickled the ivories since splitting, she says, and she doesn't miss it one little bit.

"'Not bad' normally suffices for an English girl," she says of her last sexual encounter, "but it was deeply disappointing."

The problem? Grant was a tad too fond of athletics. But not the sexy kind -- the kind men play on a field with a ball you can watch on TV. "I don't want someone to watch sports in bed. That drives me nuts," Hurley shares. "I used to make Hugh watch it with the sound down ... I don't enjoy sport on any level. Let alone in bed."

And while she says she's "unlikely to ever" have a threesome and is repulsed by "any kind of inappropriate talk of a cringe-making nature ... any kind of 'mommy' comments," she doesn't mind a little canine intervention, which didn't go over big with that old dog Hugh.

Letting her big, barking dog into bed with them, "used to drive Hugh mental," she tells the magazine. "I found it comforting, but he didn't like that."

Her ideal man? A girlish fellow.

"I quite like boys who look like girls," she says. "Not too much testosterone."

But he still has to have a touch of chivalry, because, she says, "The likelihood of me sleeping in the wet spot is less than zero."

And you thought that safety-pin dress was revealing ...

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Valuable fur

"Name your pets after qualities you desire. Among my white lions are Pride, Joy, Passion, Destiny and Vision. They have all slept in my bed. When they shed, their lessons rub off on me."

-- Siegfried & Roy's Roy, sharing a few pet theories in Esquire.

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Hungry (like the wolf) for justice

You may not have heard all that much about Duran Duran since the band's heyday in the '80s, but sadly, a Los Angeles man named Cornell Zachary can't say the same.

Zachary, a 57-year-old unemployed machinist, says he's been inundated with phone calls from fans after the band mistakenly listed his phone number for a few weeks on the Web as a hotline for tickets and merchandise.

And now, he's filed suit, seeking millions of dollars in damages. The "millions" of calls he's received, he says, damn near killed him.

"The phone calls were coming in on a 24-hour basis from all over the world," Zachary tells L.A.'s City News Service. "They had me to the point where my doctor told me I could have a stroke."

In his complaint, which specifically names Simon LeBon and Nick Rhodes, Zachary claims he suffered "life-threatening high blood pressure episodes" as well as nerve damage, sleep disturbance and permanent health problems.

But he says he never considered changing his phone number.

"I didn't make the mistake. I had already had the number over a year. They have never even given me a sorry card, you know?"

Then again, he says, there are no hard feelings. "Duran Duran is not an unpopular group with me. This is nothing personal."

So it is.

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When fame's a pain in the butt

"Actors want to be seen. But when it comes to walking into the drugstore to buy some Preparation H, it would be nice to be invisible."

-- Kevin Bacon, on hemorrhoids and vanishing, in Maxim.

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Juicy bits

Madonna has a bone to pick with the pop music scene. "No one's doing anything interesting or daring, with the exception of the occasional artist who is unique and who manages to sneak into consciousness," the pregnant popstar tells Billboard magazine. "It's all so generic and homogenized." But her new album, "Music," she says, will be "something different." Britney will be so hurt.

But not nearly so hurt as she's said to be over a recent wrist-slap from Buckingham Palace. The Scottish Daily Record reports that royal aides have alerted Britney Spears' handlers that she's to stop flooding Prince William with e-mails, autographed photos, bios and notes. "The amount of correspondence has steadily been increasing over the past few months," a source tells the paper, "and this has been quite alarming, as one might imagine, to those closest to the prince as well as his father and grandmother." Oops! She did it again and again?

Is Barbara Walters worth as much as Oprah? Not quite. But almost. The New York Post reports that Walters is on the brink of signing a new contract with ABC that'll net her a cool $12 million a year. That'd make her the highest-paid female personality after Oprah. Wonder if she also gets an extra commission for each celebrity tear she wheedles ...

Hadn't heard the rumor that Sinéad O'Connor was excommunicated from the Tridentine Church after she told the press she was a lesbian. (She later backed away from her declaration, saying she was just "confused.") But no matter. Turns out it's not true. Tridentine founder Archbishop Michael Cox explained the mix-up to Q online thusly: "One of our bishops -- Martin Pius Kelly from Carlow -- did write to the media and to Sinéad saying that she'd been excommunicated, which he had no authority to do. He's been suspended and I've apologized to Sinéad." Cox says he's actually "very happy" with O'Connor. Nothing compares 2 her.

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