Skeptical that Maguire had the bod for the role, the producers of the upcoming big-screen version of "Spider-Man" apparently insisted that the actor model Spidey's skintight bodysuit -- and were sufficiently pleased with the results to offer him the part of the sensitive superhero, reports Variety. (Remember, Spidey has neither cape nor sidekick to hide behind.)

Now that he's proved he can adhere to the Spider house rules for fab abs, Maguire is just a final negotiation away from scoring around $3 million to $4 million to go wherever a spider can.

I can just picture this Peter Parker-esque thought bubble over Maguire's cartoon head: "If Michael Keaton can play Batman, why are they giving me such a hard time?"

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The sound of desperation

"We'll take anything, even photos of the wedding cake."

-- A tabloid reporter looking for snaps of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's weekend nuptials from one of many off-duty police officers paid to keep the paparazzi out, in the Los Angeles Times.

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Chasing Chevy

Chevy Chase to Kevin Smith: You didn't call, you didn't write ...

Chase thought he and the "Chasing Amy" director had something special, that they could chart a beautiful future -- or at least create a lucrative film franchise -- together. And now he's (sniff-sniff!) out in the cold with no explanation.

"Just after his movie 'Chasing Amy' came out, Kevin Smith contacted me," Chase tells the Calgary Sun. "He said he wanted to write and direct a 'Fletch' movie for me."

The comedian says he "tried to give him my idea of having Fletch be one of those ambush TV journalists" because "it lends itself to so many comic possibilities." But Smith told him he had his own concept for the project.

"I gave him two years before I contacted him again. He told me he didn't want to do a 'Fletch' anymore."

Now, Miramax Films has purchased the rights to the detective series and has hired Smith to direct the first in what it hopes is a long line of "Fletch" films -- without Chase, who starred in two "Fletch" flicks back in the '80s.

"In all that time, he never sent me a note or a postcard to say he'd changed his mind," Chase charged. "Two years is a lot of time to lose when you're my age and want to do another 'Fletch' movie."

So many "Fletch" ideas, so little time ...

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You're so movie and you don't even know it

"Shane Falco. That name is just so, movie. Where else but in movies do you meet guys named Shane Falco?"

-- Keanu Reeves, gushing over the tag of his character in "The Replacements" and coining a new adjective.

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Stalk this way

Some celebrities have stalkers -- others just stalk.

The London Times reports that Angelina Jolie, in Windsor to bone up on her British accent for an upcoming role, stalked out of a polo event after labeling her fellow attendees (including Minnie Driver and Billy Zane) "pompous assholes."

Pressed for an explanation, Jolie trotted out the same excuse she'd used for skipping out early at the U.K. premiere of her flick "Gone in 60 Seconds." She craved a burger at Micky D's.

"I love Big Macs," she said.

Would she like to Super-size that?

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Spoken like a sports star

"I'm not going to be no action hero, but I do want to kill people. I've always wanted to kill somebody, so I can't wait to do that."

-- Master dribbler Charles Barkley on why he wants to slay 'em onscreen.

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Juicy bits

Now that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have cheated gossipmongers with a happy ending, attention has turned to that most dependable font of bad breakups: Julia Roberts. New York magazine reports that the actress's eye has wandered away from her current squeeze, Benjamin Bratt -- and according to the Star, it may well have refocused on her old flame Jason Patric. "At this point they haven't seen each other in months," a source tells the magazine's Intelligencer column. "It's not necessarily over but it's certainly hit a crisis point." Roberts' spokesperson says it ain't so. Three words: Remember Lyle Lovett.

Steve Martin plus Helena Bonham Carter equals true love or pure drivel? In London, the Mirror reports that the two have fallen in love on the set of their new film, "Novocaine." At least, if it ends in heartbreak, they'll feel no pain.

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