To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People Jan. 10, 2000 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/2000/01/10/np0110 Purple dino prose Barney found under covers with topless Norwegian; Tripp's nips? Try lops. Plus: Alanis keeps dishing out the slop. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter I love you; you love topless babes? Barney the purple dino might want to update his trademark song now that he's made a few new (and better developed) friends. The Associated Press reports that Avon books is recalling "Barney's Sing-Along Songs" after a kid in Massachusetts discovered an illustration of a bare-breasted woman in its lining. In the picture, the busty gal strokes the head of a reclining man. According to Michelle Capdeville (who says her son "came running into my room screaming, 'Oh, Mommy, look at this'"), the words "aphrodisiac" and "exotic literature" -- written in Norwegian -- are also visible in the image. Avon says the mix-up occurred because the printers used scrap paper left over from an astrology romance guide. Ah, the seamy underside of recycling. - - - - - - - - - - - - That's a man, baby? "She's not a petite woman, and as with when you are operating on a man, you are dealing with a large surface that makes it complicated." -- Plastic surgeon Geoffrey Keyes on the particular challenges of nipping and tucking Linda Tripp's face, eyes, nose, chin and neck, in People magazine. - - - - - - - - - - - - Millionaire-shmillionaire: Who wants to be president! Just what the political world needs: a Pat Paulsen for the new millennium. Last week, comedian Barry Weintraub's alter ego, Barry Who, kicked off his campaign for the presidency in an effort to improve voter turnout in the upcoming election. He's also running, he tells me, "because I need a job. And that's a good job: It comes with a house, a bulletproof limo, a 747, your own bowling alley." What's more, after writing for National Enquirer TV, Who says he's "taken enough from society; it's time to give back." His proposal? That voters displeased with the politicians running for office write in "Who cares" on the ballot. (He's spreading his message by pressing the flesh in Iowa and New Hampshire and handing out pens that say "Who wants to be president.") True, his platform is a little broad -- "I believe more good things than bad. I'm for happy not sad" -- but he's got more Who-based one-liners than Steve Forbes has bucks. "Who needs your support?" he asks. "You bet I do." Ba-dum-bum. He'll be here all week, folks. - - - - - - - - - - - - And you thought your mom was embarrassing "I said, 'Mom, I'm not going to the limousine with an Oscar in one hand and a centerpiece in the other.'" -- Denzel Washington, recalling his mother's attempt to take home a floral arrangement from the Governor's Ball after the 1989 Academy Awards. - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Who says pop stars have no heart? Alanis Morissette took a break from caterwauling about her own personal pain to roll up her sleeves and serve up the grub in a soup kitchen in her hometown of Ottawa, Canada. Just thought you oughta know. It just doesn't get any easier for Mike Tyson, does it? The U.K. Mirror reports that the pugnacious pugilist may be blocked from entering Britain for his sell-out fight later this month due to his record of rape and assault. "There is a strong view that if you bend the rules for one person, it would open the floodgates," said one official. Responds Tyson: "$@&*# *&@^# )*#)%*!" So you think winning the big bucks is all fun and games? Think again. "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" winner Jane Oviatt tells TV Guide she's had to make a few sacrifices: "I've given up my freedom to go out with greasy hair." The Who's Pete Townshend has announced he'll perform his heretofore unstaged rock opera "Lifehouse" -- originally conceived as the follow-up to "Tommy" -- next month at London's Sadler's Wells Theatre. I can name at least one U.S. presidential candidate who'd prefer a revival of "Who's Next." salon.com | Jan. 10, 2000   - - - - - - - - - - - - About the writer Amy Reiter is a staff writer for Salon People. For more columns by Amy Reiter, visit her column archive.