To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People Dec. 20, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/12/20/np_harding Pants on fire Lie detectors, all around! Plus: Tonya takes a another swipe; Bunny brothel honors Andy Kaufman, and the Spice Girls ... waxy but wickless. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter Lies, lies, all lies? Adding insult to kneecap injury, skater Tonya Harding says her erstwhile arch-rival Nancy Kerrigan is "a liar" for claiming that Harding never apologized or admitted the extent of her participation in the 1994 pre-Olympic attack on Kerrigan (the clonk heard 'round the world). "I'm sorry she thinks that," Harding huffs in the upcoming TV Guide. "I apologized to her at the Olympics as well as face-to-face on Fox." Harding also has a bone to pick about her bad-girl rep. "I was a tough cookie ... now I'm a lady," she asserts. "I've never been a bad girl. Just because I like to hunt and fish and ride a dirt bike doesn't make me a bad girl. I was young and naive, and I made bad choices. Who hasn't?" - - - - - - - - - - - - A better question might be, "Who has?" In "Sex, Lies and Audiotape," a radio special airing nationwide this week, Harding's denials are put through a state-of-the-art audio lie detector test -- along with those of 19 other celebrities with "a cloud of suspicion around them." The show's producer, Beau Phillips, claims a close analysis of Harding's voice (accurate, he says, but "for entertainment purposes only") indicates that "she definitely knew more than she said." And she's not the only one. Phillips' "Truster" machine also determined -- "for entertainment purposes only" -- that JonBenet Ramsey's mother, Patsy, is likely telling the truth when she claims she didn't murder her daughter, but that papa John Ramsey, was "probably lying" when he said, "I can't believe anybody would even suspect that we had anything to do with it." According to Phillips, an analysis of Michael Jackson's denials of child molestation showed he was "probably wise to settle the case out of court." What's more, O.J. Simpson's vocal stress levels as he proclaimed himself innocent of his ex-wife's murder were the highest ever recorded on Phillips' equipment, indicating that he may be lying. But here's the biggest shocker: The Truster says there's a 91-percent chance that Lee Harvey Oswald had nothing to do with the murder of President Kennedy. Are you listening, Oliver Stone? - - - - - - - - - - - - Advice from the prevarication patrol "You don't lie to the American people." -- Kenneth Starr, sharing life lessons in Esquire. - - - - - - - - - - - - Where's the justice? If you're looking to get in trouble with the law in Nashville, now's a good time. In the spirit of the season, Tennessee judge Mark Fishburn is forgiving traffic violators their fines if they're willing to belt out a holiday tune -- a rousing rendition of "Jingle Bells," for instance. "I also asked them to promise they would make it a New Year's resolution not to run stop signs," the judge told the Agence France-Presse. "It's been quite a festive week." I'll bet. - - - - - - - - - - - - Complaints of a perpetual kid "I'm 40 years old, and I'm talking about digging boogies out of my nose so people will watch Comedy Central." -- Mark McKinney, of the recently reunited Kids in the Hall, carping about the promo spots the comedy troupe is filming for a KITH marathon that airs in January. - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Now you can make like Latka all year round. The Moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel in Carson City, Nev., has announced it will honor former customer Andy Kaufman with a private wrestling room in which men can tussle with the hookers. Brothel owner Dennis Hof says Kaufman would often hire Bunny Ranch's gals to wrestle with each other, so that he could wrestle the winner. Maybe they should have called the movie, "The Man in the Moonlight." Variety reports that George Foreman will play himself in an upcoming HBO biopic based on his autobiography, "By George." Now, why am I not surprised? Jockey for this: Secretariat's old green blanket. The 1973 Triple Crown winner's bankie is expected to go for more than $13,000 in an online auction sponsored by Sotheby's. If you're feelin' flush, you can also go for the famous horse's rub rag (at least $510) and his bit and bridle (around $10,000). And they're off ... Once cast as stars, now cast in wax, the Spice Girls (minus Ginger) became the first complete British pop group to have their likenesses unveiled at Madame Tussaud's wax museum since the Beatles, 35 years ago. At a photo-op in London on Friday, Sporty Spice was said to have expressed disappointment with her effigy. "I'd like bigger bosoms," she told a sculptor. Quick, search the records. Could Ringo Starr have said the same thing? salon.com | Dec. 20, 1999