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Y2Wrap it up!
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Dec. 9, 1999 |
"Best film of 1999!" "Worst book of the century!" "Most impressive bratwurst of the millennium!" Says who? Says a bunch of folks who see films, read books or taste bratwurst for a living. These "professionals" test stuff all day, every day. You gonna trust them? Didn't think so. So before Nothing Personal starts tossing off hots and nots, we turn to you, our expert readers, to help scan the pack of pesky publicity seekers we call celebrities and hand out the honors accordingly. Here's how we'll do it: I'll pose a series of questions in this column. You'll think about them long and hard, or not at all, and answer as many as you like by e-mailing me at amy@salon.com. Then, I'll pore over your responses, pluck the ones I find most interesting from the pile, print them in a column later this month and -- voilą -- the Nothing Personal Readers' Choice Awards are born. Got your No. 2 pencil handy? Excellent. Let's get started: 1) In 1999, Jennifer Love Hewitt was rumored to have named her breasts Thelma and Louise. (She later denied it.) What celebrity do you think is most likely to have named a body part, and what do you suspect he/she has named it? Amy Reiter Amy Reiter's column appears daily on the People site, Monday through Friday.
Got a hot tip? Tell Amy! 2) In 1999, exercise guru Richard Simmons launched the now-defunct TV show "Dream Maker," which aimed to make viewers' dreams come true. If you could have any celebrity make your dreams come true, who would it be? 3) In 1999, Sylvester Stallone and his wife were accused of mistreating their house staff: They allegedly outlawed direct eye contact, refused to let them eat food from the house and insisted they back out of any room the master and mistress entered. Aside from chez Sly, at which celebrity's house would you least like being a houseboy/girl? 4) In 1999, Gail Sheehy wrote a book suggesting that, underneath her prudish exterior, Hillary Clinton is a passionate gal. Aside from the first lady, what celebrity do you most suspect of being crusty on the outside, lusty on the inside? 5) In 1999, Matthew McConaughey was arrested while playing bongos nude in his own home as his friend clapped along. He'd clearly be a great guest at any party. What celebrity would you consider most likely to liven up a Y2K party, McConaughey-style? 6) In 1999, Matt Damon, Gwyneth Paltrow and even ice princess Nancy Kerrigan recorded tunes. What celebrity do you least want to hear croak out a song? 7) In 1999, I confessed I wanted to take mingling lessons from former GOP veep candidate Jack Kemp. What celebrity would you most want to take lessons from? In what? 8) In 1999, Jennifer Lopez was said to have taken out an insurance policy on her breasts, legs, hair and booty. (Fiction, she insists.) For what celebrity would you most like to be named "beneficiary" on such a policy? 9) In 1999, a Web site had an auction to help save "Diff'rent Strokes" star Gary Coleman from financial ruin and a life of loneliness. What other washed-up star do you think could most benefit from such help? 10) In 1999, Newt Gingrich was exposed as an unrepentant family-values-flouting philanderer. What other holy-rolling politician do you most suspect of leading a secret double life? Special bonus question: In whose likeness should the NP Readers' Choice Awards statuette be cast? Now get e-mailing and gobsmack me!
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