To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People Nov. 6, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/11/06/npw1106 Munsters, UnderGore and, uh, cow lube? Eddie and Grandpa are baaack; when the going gets tough, the Gores get literal; Farrakhan's calypso days; readers riot over bovine nipple grease. Plus: Washington's pundits and pols kick out the phat comedy jams. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter Coming on the heels of Halloween, it was a frightening week. On Monday it was revealed that two veterans of "The Munsters" -- what "The Addams Family" might have been without the influence of the deliciously dark, wry imagination of Charles Addams -– are apparently returning to our living rooms whether we want them to or not. Meanwhile, Al Gore saw fit to assume the role of a superhero hound. And, as if we needed to be reminded just how desperate things have become, a funniest Washington celebrity contest was held. The good news: The winner's not only funny, he's also not President Clinton. - - - - - - - - - - - - Monday: "Munster movies" It's that time of year when the world starts to ask, "What ever happened to Eddie Munster?" Butch Patrick, who as a youth made the most of his widow's peak on the classic '60s TV show "The Munsters," has spent more recent years appearing in haunted houses and the occasional TV spot. Back in the '80s, he formed a band called Eddie and the Monsters, but now, 46 and still scary-looking, he's hoping to hit the TV big-time once again. ... And yes, he will occasionally don the old Eddie Munster regalia and reprise his childhood role. The ubiquitous Al Lewis (aka Grandpa Munster) will also make an appearance. "He's like family," says Patrick. Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Monday, Nov. 1. - - - - - - - - - - - - Tuesday: "Hip, hip and away I go!" I wasn't invited. But my well-connected friend Daniel Kurtzman filled me in on some of the clever costumes at Al Gore's annual Halloween party on Sunday. The veep, of course, dressed as Underdog, with Tipper as sweet Polly Purebred ever at his side. "The floppy-eared get-up, true to Gore's self-parodying form, got a large chuckle out of the journalists and various Friends of Al gathered under a tent outside the vice president's residence," says Dan. "He came strutting out as the band played the Underdog theme song, arms raised, ears flopping." Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Tuesday, Nov. 2. - - - - - - - - - - - - Wednesday: "Oops-O" Before he was a Nation of Islam leader, Louis Farrakhan was Louis Eugene Walcott, calypso singer. And according to Bostrox Records spokeswoman Zoe Warner, he was pretty good. "He's just a really talented calypsonian," she says. Now, thanks to a reissue of lost Farrakhan tunes (circa 1953-54) from Bostrox, you can enjoy the controversial minister, who was then known as "The Charmer," singing songs like "Is She Is, Or Is She Ain't" (about the mysteries of transsexualism), "Don't Touch Me Nylon" and "Female Boxer." They're all right here! And according to the album notes, they're better than Belafonte: "Where Belafonte was the consummate 'nice' performer, The Charmer would gyrate and fill his songs with double-entendres." Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Wednesday, Nov. 3. - - - - - - - - - - - - Thursday: "Cow lubricant triggers e-mail stampede!" I write an innocent item casting vague aspersions on Shania Twain's use of Bag Balm -- the stuff dairy farmers rub on cow teats to keep 'em soft and moist -- as a face cream and hair moisturizer, and what happens? E-mail overload. Everyone, it seems, has a kind word to share about the varied virtues and multiple uses of the bovine-friendly goop. One reader says he uses it "before a long run in cold weather." Another writes, "Most seamstresses I've met claim it has antiseptic qualities." Yet another says, "It's effective against stretch marks, crow's feet and such." My e-mail in box hasn't seen the phrase "chapped cow teats" this many times since the last time I wrote about Anna Nicole Smith. Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Thursday, Nov. 4. - - - - - - - - - - - - Friday: "Meet the fundits" It's official: The funniest celebrity in Washington is ... (drum roll, please) ... Sen. Joseph Lieberman. The Democratic senator from Connecticut got the big nod at the Funniest Celebrity in Washington contest Wednesday night. The guy's a list master. Among his "nine good reasons George W. Bush couldn't be here tonight": He didn't want to miss tuna casserole night; his Brinks truck was still circling the neighborhood looking for a parking place; and he couldn't think of anything funnier to say than "President Steve Forbes." Read the entire Nothing Personal Column for Friday, Nov. 5. salon.com | Nov. 6, 1999