To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People Oct. 29, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/10/29/np1029 Live through this Saturday night Courtney Love's directorial debut -- in glorious plaid! Patenstein? Count Patula? The Wolfpat? Pollsters say Buchanan's more trick than treat. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter More shocking than anything she did as grunge's reigning bad girl! Stranger than that smeared-lipstick look! Courtney Love will make her directorial debut ... with a film about the Bay City Rollers. Maybe she's a fool to love them, but the Hole rocker has apparently fallen hard for Caroline Sullivan's "Bye Bye Baby: My Tragic Love Affair with the Bay City Rollers," a new book about a teenage gal's obsession with the Scottish '70s band. "It's my favorite rock book in an ice age," Love, whose first album was BCR's "Rock n' Roll Love Letter," recently told Scotland's Sunday Herald. "I'd love it to be a movie." From tart to tartan in one easy step. - - - - - - - - - - - - That's what they told Gary Hart ... "He has to find a more interesting problem. I would advise George [W.] Bush to get into a sex scandal as soon as possible, with a celebrity, if possible." -- "Politically Incorrect" writer Chris Kelly on how Bush can beat the coke rumors, in the New York Daily News. - - - - - - - - - - - - Lip Lock: It Hurts Fear can do some mighty strange things to people. But what stage fright did to William Hurt's anatomy's a doozy. "My lips literally started to lock during a performance," the actor says in an upcoming Parade Q&A. "I had to turn away from the audience to pry my mouth open with my fingers." Fear, he says, "was making me collapse my head and neck down, blocking the flow of good energy." He's better now, thanks. But who knew William hurt so much? - - - - - - - - - - - - Piety and avarice for all! "I'm spending the millennium in church. I think prayer is the key to a great life. Of course, my prayers won't all be for mankind. I'll also pray to make $500 million in the next few years. Hey, I can be a little selfish too." -- LL Cool J, giving Jump magazine's teen readers a rather unsavory life lesson. - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Some pollster has a little too much time on his hands. A new Fox News/Opinion Dynamics survey has found that voters think Pat Buchanan -- of all the presidential candidates -- would make the scariest Halloween mask. Take the li'l Pats trick-or-treating in a Jewish neighborhood and watch things get really scary. Speculate all you like about what's really on that stolen-for-ransom ($100,000 ... cold cash) home videos of Michael Jackson and his kiddies, the Gloved One's spokesman insists that there's "nothing that would embarrass him on them." Not, he repeats, not a thriller. Jim Gray and Pete Rose all over again? Just as Congress bestows the highest civilian honors on Gerald and Betty Ford, George magazine wallows in one of the ex-president's worst moments. The magazine ranks a comment Ford made during a televised debate with Jimmy Carter back in 1976 -- "There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe" -- among the most egregious campaign gaffes. Watch out, George editors, ruining moments like this really get up Darryl Strawberry's nose. salon.com | Oct. 29, 1999