To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People Oct. 26, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/10/26/np1026 What we talk about when we talk about breasts Jennifer Love Hewitt talks titties with Maxim; Roald Dahl's widow has the golden ticket. Plus: Howahd! The Sterns split up. - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter Heard the one about Jennifer Love Hewitt naming her breasts Thelma and Louise? Not true. In the upcoming issue of Maxim, which features "Jennifer Love's FIRST men's magazine cover EVER!" the mag's PR people boast, the 20-year-old star clears up a few common misconceptions about her prize rack. It all started on the set of "I Know What You Did Last Summer." "All the girls wore tiny tops, so we called it 'I Know What Your Breasts Did Last Summer,'" explains Hewitt. "We made another joke that we'd name them, and I said mine were Thelma and Louise, but I was kidding. Now I read it everywhere and people getting autographs will ask, 'How are Thelma and Louise?' I'm, like, 'Oh, my God, people, it was a joke.' I don't wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say, 'Good morning, Thelma. Good morning, Louise." And you were so looking forward to the moment when her gazongas hit the gas and aimed for the horizon. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The Lion King attacks! "It is not true that Andrew Lloyd Webber and I are no longer speaking to each other. I saw his last show. At least I hope it was his last show." -- Lyricist Sir Tim Rice on his former collaborator in the London Observer. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - What would Willy Wonka say? If phrases like "You're turning violet, Violet," "I've got a golden ticket" and "No, Daddy, I want it now" mean nothing to you and you wouldn't know an Oompa-Loompa from an Everlasting Gobstopper, this might not surprise you. The BBC reports that Roald Dahl's widow is meeting with Gary Ross, the writer-director who penned "Big," about adapting her late hubby's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" for the big screen. To those of us who can quote whole chunks of the 1971 film "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," starring Gene Wilder in the title role, however, the news of a more "faithful" adaptation is nothing short of heresy. Who'll organize the rally to preserve Willy's rep? Veruca Salt -- the band, not the character -- can headline. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Gassy Spice? "I do a great egg beano -- that's toast, and beans, and an egg with melted cheese on top." -- Baby Spice Emma Bunton, on her culinary prowess, in the U.K.'s Daily Telegraph. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Quick, call Marla Maples for a comment. On Sunday's "Meet the Press," Donald Trump said Pat Buchanan would appeal only to "the wacko vote ... I just can't imagine that anybody can take him seriously." Mirror, please. Add a couple of finger snaps and a bongo and you've got yourself a nice beat poem there. When asked on Fox News Sunday what political advice he'd give Trump, George Bush senior said, "If it's going to hurt my candidate, I'd say, 'Donald, hey, man, cool it. Don't do it.'" Kerouac would be proud. There were no private parts, but that wasn't the marriage's problem. Howard Stern and his wife, Alison, are splitting because, while it may be good to be the king, it's hard to be the King of All Media's wife. According to a statement released by Stern spokesman Dan Klores, the separation is "amicable ... Following mediation, both Alison and Howard, who care for each other very much, have come to an agreement and settled all their concerns." Bring on the strippers and dancing midgets. The perfect gift for Keith Richards this holiday season? A mortar and pestle. The Rolling Stoner recently told British GQ he still enjoys a bit of heroin from time to time, although not like in the '70s when he used it as a "cocoon." Now he takes a more scientific approach to drugs. Calling himself an "amateur chemist, a drugologist," he consults a 1903 medical dictionary and "bon[es] up" before getting high. Guess it's worth a shot. salon.com | Oct. 26, 1999