To print this page, select "Print" from the File menu of your browser salon.com > People July 12, 1999 URL: http://www.salon.com/people/col/reit/1999/07/12/spelling Tori: "Get ready, 'cause here I come!" Spelling says next lover better prepare for a passionate workout; Elsie the Cow: those lips, those eyes; Murdoch barred from his own office; woman battles sexism by donning pork chops. Plus: Check it out, Janet Reno mistaken for grocery clerk! - - - - - - - - - - - - By Amy Reiter If life in Tinseltown is a Hollywood bowl of cherries, what is Tori Spelling's sex life doing in the (peach) pits? Young Spelling may have gotten a personally trained leg up in showbiz from her hugely popular TV-producing pops, Aaron "Shlock around the clock" Spelling, but she sure ain't getting a whole lot of action. In fact, the diminutive "Beverly Hills 90210" star, who once boasted that she'd "reached the mile-high club" by sneaking -- snockered -- into an airplane bathroom with a high-flyin' friend for a little extra-special in-flight entertainment, tells Us magazine that she's had fewer partners than the last two digits of the California zip code she helped make so famous. "I've only been with a handful of men," she carelessly confesses in the celebrity magazine's August issue. "Not even two handfuls. You see, to me, numbers have always been a big deal. It's a numbers thing with me. I always thought that if you were with too many men, then men wouldn't respect you. So I'm very aware of the numbers -- and making sure I can count them on one hand. I'm at five now." Then, realizing that she's plumb out of fingers, she adds, "Maybe I'll just subtract five and start again." Still, she claims, she's not a direct replica of the virginal character she plays on TV. "I don't have sex but I'm deeply sexual. Does that make sense? I'm very passionate," she says, very passionately. "The next boyfriend I have, wow, he's in big trouble! Big trouble! Ha ha. I mean, he better be aerobic!" Or at least into airplane loos. - - - - - - - - - - - - Milking Elsie's memory for all it's worth "Elsie had a terrific personality and was extremely photogenic. For some reason, people liked looking at her." -- Henry W. Jeffers III, descendant of the owners of Borden Dairy's late lamented spokesanimal Elsie the Cow, mulling over how his favorite cud-chewer had a certain, as they say in France, I don't know what. - - - - - - - - - - - - Give that bike messenger a big-wheel inheritance! Anyone who believes that recently wed sly Fox Rupert Murdoch's kids didn't get the recognition they were due when their father passed them over to appoint an unrelated member of his empire as his successor will be happy to hear that such lack of recognition is par for the course in the wonderful world of Murdoch -- even when it comes to the old man. According to New York magazine, when the massively wealthy media magnate recently tried to enter his own New York Post offices, an overzealous security guard demanded to know if he had a company ID. "I have six floors," replied Murdoch. It reportedly took an unusually tuned-in-to-reality bike messenger to toss the officious guard a clue. "Dude, that's Rupert Murdoch!" Think the fast-peddlin' fellow can do something for Rupe's cast-off kiddies? - - - - - - - - - - - - Wanted, hard-bodied leading man, not too bony "Having reached 40 this year, if they were going to find someone to play opposite me they would have to exhume him." -- Emma "I'm not plump; I'm preggers" Thompson wittily weighing in on why she may go into semi-retirement. - - - - - - - - - - - - Juicy bits Say what you like about Courtney "Somebody please fix my lipstick" Love, the reformed bad girl of grunge is, it seems, truly pretty on the inside. Last Thursday, when she and her fellow Hole-y rollers saw a car flip on their way to a concert in Calgary, they stopped to lend a helping hand, inviting two women in the crumpled car, one four months pregnant, into their tour bus and offering first aid. "She comforted [the two flipping victims], offered them some hot tea," Royal Canadian Mounted Police Constable Daryl Bedard told Toronto's Globe and Mail. Love even invited the hapless gals, both apparently unharmed, to take in Hole's concert later that night (exactly what anyone who'd just flipped their car would want to sit through). Then, I presume, she offered to smear their mascara. The catcalls weren't doing it for Kitten Reynolds, a California woman who'd been harassed, leered, cheered and jeered at by caddish construction workers just one too many times. So Kitten got catty and decided to fight the pigs with some strategically placed pork products. The Associated Press reports that Reynolds strapped sizable smoked pork chops to her chest (it doesn't report how) and marched around in front of the construction workers' company with a sign objecting to being treated like a piece of meat. Rumors that one hardhearted hardhat hollered "Put a little apple sauce on that and you've got yourself a date" are wholly unfounded. The life of an attorney general may not be as glamorous as, say, the life of an independent counsel, but who knew it was as bad as this? At the end of her weekly news conference last Thursday, Janet Reno recounted a terrifying tale of mistaken identity. In an appearance in a Fourth of July parade in Idyllwild, Calif., Reno overheard a couple discussing her. They knew they knew her from somewhere ... but where? Aha, said the wife, "I think she is the checkout person at the local market." Paper or plastic? salon.com | July 12, 1999