That unvarnished vampish vow has been made to the fine people of Belgium by Anke Van dermeersch, a lawyer and erstwhile Miss Belgium who is running for a seat (non-vinyl, I hope) in the European Parliament, just one week before the elections next Sunday. The curvaceous candidate for the Flemish liberal party VLD told Belgian TV over the weekend that her pornish pledge displayed her desire to deliver on promises. (She's determined, it seems, not to be called a Belgian waffler.)

So is she just another Cicciolina (aka Ilona Staller), the Italian porn star who ran for Italy's Parliament on long, shapely legs and was elected to a five-year term in 1987? Van dermeersch nakedly nixes the comparison. "[La Cicciolina] used the same marketing technique, maybe less refined, but as for political contents, she did not do well," says the blond Belgian would-be bunny.

Please, please, don't let this give Steve "Flat taxes, yes, but curvy underneath my clothes" Forbes any big ideas.

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In other clothes-free candidate news ...

George W. Bush has finally denied that he ever did the cha-cha on a bar top in his ferociously feckless youth. (The killjoy!) "I'm too modest to have danced on a bar naked," Bush modestly told Texas Monthly. Well, Dubbya, you might want to wait and see how the nudie thing plays with voters in Belgium before killing off that rampant, randy rumor (in the) altogether.

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Ripe and juicy, Roberto rides again

"I am really full of joy like a watermelon to be here with you."

-- Italian film director Roberto "Life is beautiful, English is silly" Benigni, receiving an honorary doctorate from Israel's Ben-Gurion University

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Elizabeth II: African queen?

It looks as if Thomas Jefferson's family isn't the only big-name bunch whose members need to make a little more room at the table these days.

Amy Reiter Amy Reiter's column appears daily on the People site, Monday through Friday. + Biography + Archives Got a hot tip? Tell Amy!

That's right, those status-quo-rocking DNA researchers have done it again. And this time, they've found that the blue bloods in Britain's royal family are more fitting leaders of the U.K.'s multicultural mix than they might have maintained. They could, in fact, be called black-and-blue bloods.

The Sunday Times reports that a Boston genealogist, Mario Valdes, has proven that Queen Charlotte, "Mad" George III's wife, "was directly descended from the illegitimate son of an African mistress in the Portuguese royal house." The German-born queen was loved by her people, devoted to her king and fertile (and friggin' strong) enough to bear 15 children. But she didn't look a whole lot like, say, Helen Mirren, who played her in the film "The Madness of King George."

"Her personal physician, Baron Stockmar, said in his autobiography that she had a 'true mulatto face,'" said Valdes. "Her African ancestry was certainly detectable."

Race-relations activists have hailed the confirmation of the House of Windsor's long-rumored mixed lineage. Indeed, who wouldn't be thrilled -- nay , overjoyed -- to discover they were related to that particularly poetic prince of a guy, Charles.

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Is that a napkin on your lap or are you just happy to see me?

"I may have been accused of many things, but I have never been accused of having bad table manners. That is something that my mother would really have had a hard time dealing with."

-- Former Mayflower Madam Sydney Biddle Barrows, in an article on table manners she's written for the conservative Independent Women's Forum.

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Juicy bits

England may be up in arms about the new Freddie Mercury postage stamp, but the dead singer himself is touched by the honor. He does, however, think his nose looks a little big in the portrait. So says Petrene Soames, a Texas psychic who claims to be in contact with the spirit of the Queen front man. According to Soames, Mercury is staying busy in the spirit world: dating a man who he says was his "best friend on Earth" and actively influencing a British teen to make his own mark on the rock world. And Soames says Mercury also wanted her to give this message to his fans: "Elvis is dead too, and make sure everyone knows." Hmm ... wonder how the King felt about his postal portraits -- old and young. Petrene?

It's clearly a case of the Deadbeat Club meets the Mickey Mouse Club, Rock Lobster meets Rocky and Bullwinkle, Planet Claire meets Interplanet Janet. The B-52's, those legendary live-action rockers, are going cartoon, signing on with Stone Stanley Productions to develop a show combining the live-action camp of the old "Batman" with the animated musical camaraderie of that '70s classic "Josie and the Pussycats." Band members Fred Schneider, Kate Pierson, Keith Strickland and Cindy Wilson will provide the voices for the series. Next thing you know, they'll be getting their own stamp.

Who wouldn't want to ring in Y2K with Babs and Vinnie Barbarino? (OK, OK, don't everybody talk at once.) Rumors are flying around that John Travolta may make a surprise guest appearance at Barbra Streisand's big-ticket New Year's Eve concert in Las Vegas. The two icons of the latter part of this century -- both obviously people who need people and experts at staying alive, careerwise -- may even sing together. (Bah-bah-bah, Bah-bah-bra Streisand. Bah-bah-bah, Bah-bah-bra Streisand?) Look at the bright side: The millennium can only get better from there.
salon.com | June 8, 1999

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