April 23, 1999 | It may explain his erratic behavior, the odd bumble-tongued ethnic slur and even his popularity with the good folks of Minnesota. Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who has admitted to taking a doob-ious toke or two in the past, has been named "First Governor for Hemp" by Hemp Times magazine.

Hemp Times, which promotes the use of cannabis primarily for industrial products and features the smooth-headed (if not smooth-talking) governor on its Spring 1999 cover, hails Ventura as a "true-blue hempster." The WWF arch-villain-turned-statesman often defended the legalization of drugs and prostitution during his radio talk-show days, before he ran for public office, and touted peculiar hemp products, provided by a regular caller he dubbed "Hemp John." The Gov extolled the virtues of a hemp hat -- "I wore it all weekend" -- and once even sampled chocolate-covered hemp seeds on the air. "Not bad, not bad!" Ventura said, munching away. "This is going to be the happiest day at KSTP Talk Radio in ages!"

But due to the minor scandal his opinions have caused since he did a flying mare into the political wrestling ring, Ventura has danced clumsily around the issue of legalizing Mary Jane. An upcoming Body bio, "Body Slam: The Jesse Ventura Story" (penned by Salon News' Jake Tapper and due in May from St. Martin's Press), features several bizarre episodes of Ventura saying he'd like to tax the wonder weed but has no intention of legalizing it. (Run that by me again when we're both straight, OK?)

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Ventura's post-election reticence has the pro-pot contingent freakin' that its poster boy might be all puffed out. But Hemp Times reassures those concerned that he still "has the lead in the hemp sweepstakes." In a recent radio interview recounted in the magazine, Ventura took a call from his old friend Hemp John, who sought confirmation that his pal hadn't softened his stance. "Don't worry," the Body said. "If [an industrial hemp bill] gets to my desk, I'll sign it." Inhale that.

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Trudeau's Kissinger kiss-off

"I had the misfortune of meeting [Henry Kissinger]. I thought I could get out of it without touching his hand." --"Doonesbury" cartoonist Garry Trudeau addressing students at Yale University (Yale Daily News)

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Yo quiero sue your ass?

Legal strife has broken out between the handlers and owners of Taco Bell's ubiquitous spokesdog, known off-screen as Gidget. The trouble, in a taco shell: Hollywood animal-wrangling company Working Wildlife alleges that it got Gidget's owners the Taco Bell spot by putting them in touch with the fast-food chain's ad agency, Chiat Day, only to find themselves stiffed when it came to doggie contract negotiations.

What's more, reports the New York Post, Gidget's handlers started barking demands for lavish perks like first-class airline tix, limo service and stays at deluxe hotels -- all for the sake of the pampered pooch, of course. But when the owners doggedly threatened to keep Gidget from her spokespuppy duties if Chiat Day threw Working Wildlife a bone, the fur really began to fly. The wrangling firm filed a suit Wednesday seeking nearly $60,000 in compensation, as well as punitive and exemplary damages.

But a recent bulletin-board posting from a visitor to Taco Bell's Web site helps put all the yelping into perspective: "[The chihuahua campaign is] pointless and stupid. Even the people that run the promo realize it's getting old. I can't watch anything without that little basturd [sic] coming on, and it's always the same commercial. I've boycotted eating there until I only see it less than five times a day." Ruff stuff.

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Tom, you been partying with Jesse Ventura?

"Sometimes I think [women] don't write as well as men do about women. I mean I sympathize with them and all that. But I just think it's really boring when you get women all revved up about women, It's probably the same when you get men all revved up about men." -- Songwriting rocker Tom Petty, breaking hearts in Pulse! magazine.

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That's not my bag, baby!

Proving that this column's readers go up to 11 when it comes to "Spinal Tap" references, a truly Tapped out reader (and I mean that as a high compliment) informs me that the owner of the oblong foil-wrapped veggie in the film was misidentified in Wednesday's NP item. "I may seem like a geek for even admitting I know this," writes the modest fellow, "but it was Derek Smalls (the bass player, played by Harry Shearer), and not Nigel Tufnell, who got caught with the cucumber in his pants." My humblest apologies to Mr. Smalls and Mr. Tufnell.
salon.com | April 23, 1999

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