Letters on teen suicide, male balding and women's rehab

Readers respond to "Suicide at 16," "Without Hair, I Am Nothing" and "A Rehab of One's Own."

Editor's note: Readers responded to a handful of stories that have appeared in Life in the last two weeks. You will find a selection of them below, along links to the stories they address. We received so many letters in response to "Curse of the Hippie Parents," by Sarah Beach, that we are running those separately.

Aug. 31, 2001 | "Suicide at 16", by Amy Halloran, brought these responses:

I thought of suicide once. I nearly committed it. I wanted it to look like an accident. The idea was to drink a few beers, dump a few more down the pool's filter, and dive into the pool. I would hit my head and drown.

On the surface I had quite a bit. I was a senior in college. I had a good grade point average at a good school in a difficult major. I had friends, was into politics, and enjoyed my life. I was also gay. I couldn't face the idea or the fact of telling anyone -- most of all my parents. Suicide, it seemed, was the best way out for all of us.

Why didn't I do it? The feel-good answer would be that I realized how stupid I was. That I woke up and realized that no amount of fear and prejudice justifies ending your life. Unfortunately the answer is less noble than that. It was in the age before instant communication by fax or e-mail. I was on spring break and my dorm was deserted. I had evidence I was gay in my room and I had no way to contact my roommate to get rid of it. Like I said, not a very noble reason.

I can't say why that teen did what he did. All I can say is, there but for the grace of God go I, and so many others. Now I am in recovery from alcohol, which I turned to to bury the pain of my life as I saw it. I can only hope that your friend can get through her grief. She is not at fault. He forgot for a terrible instant that life is worth living. That happens to a lot of us; sadly, he was around a rifle when he forgot. Good luck and God bless.

-- Dave C.

Amy Halloran's friend may have contributed little or nothing to her son's despair. What disturbs me is that her article seems to imply that no parent does.

Since "mothers do not create homophobia, racism, or sexism," Halloran writes, it follows, in her view, that if a child takes his own life, any guilt the mother feels is understandable, but misplaced. Ultimately, in such a case, the parent is merely "guilty of feeling guilty."

This sounds like something David Horowitz might have written as a satire on liberal cluelessness. I know of a teen who admitted to several suicide attempts last fall, and I'm pretty sure I know why. Her mother and late grandmother created a climate, in the child's home, of emotional violation, shame, and mutual recrimination, and used the child as a prop in their sick drama. No, the mother did not create racism or homophobia or Third World debt. So what? Kids don't kill themselves because the world fails to conform to the Democratic Party platform. They kill themselves because they feel real pain about real things. And sometimes, parents largely create this.

-- Michael Huggins

In response to "A Rehab of One's Own," by Annie Murphy Paul:

As a recovering addict myself, I can only attest to my own experience. But I find the premise that we need to break men down and build women up flawed and dangerously paternalistic. One of the first things a person is forced to confront about addiction, if they are to overcome it, is their own responsibility for their actions, regardless of whatever trauma they experience. I could blame the fact that I was molested by a female teacher for my addiction, couldn't I, but in the end it is my own choices that led me to the dark and deadly spiral of addiction that nearly destroyed me.

Next page: Losing hair is not a sickness, so why would I want to take medicine for it?