Six lesbian mothers gasp as I unpack three cans of Enfamil. Today is the beginning of our nanny share-care system and I am exposed in the first 10 minutes as a deficient parent.

I apologize. "Carol, uh, forgot to bring home what she pumped at work and I forgot to put last night's milk in the refrigerator so it spoiled ..."

Rachel, Monica, Darcy, Thea, Ren and Corey stare at me with pity. They don't feed their babies formula like dizzy straights do. Milk accidents occur in my chaotic hetero home but never in their same-sex nurturing nests. Their lactose packets are labeled and dated and two of the birth moms, Darcy and Ren, spend their lunches nursing their infants.

"Your baby is so ... beautiful ..." Corey hesitantly compliments Tallulah, my 6-month-old daughter. "But why is her face so scratched up?"

"Because, uh, well, you know," I blush. "We need to trim her fingernails."

"I bite off Nathan's," says Rachel. "I enjoy it. I could chew off Tallulah's if you want me to."

"Gosh, really?" I abandon all pride.

"And I could give her some real milk," Monica volunteers, jiggling her breasts. "I've got at least 3 ounces in my upper ducts."

I demur and dive into my diaper bag. "Uh-oh," I cringe. "I brought bottles, of course, but I capped them and now I can't find any ..."

"Nipples?" guesses Thea. "You can use one of mine." She tosses an expensive beige sucker my way. Tallulah eyes the device thirstily before glancing at me with reproach.

Apprehensively, I empty the bag -- horrors! I forgot her pacifier! But Agnes has an extra that she'll lend us. I also forgot socks and extra pants in case Tallulah poops up the present pair, but that's OK too; Nathan's got triples of each. Diapers I did bring, but they're ...

"Disposables?!" the lesbians chorus. "We're not judgmental, but why?"

I babble excuses about how busy Carol and I are. Incredulity blooms on their maternal faces.

"Hank, can I ask you a personal question?" inquires Ren. "Was Tallulah an accident?"

My humiliation is complete.

Carol and I discussed children for more than 10 years. But yakking is not preparation. Preparation is having time, brains, heart, finances and homes set in advance to accommodate the needs of squalling offspring. Carol and I are ecstatic to be included in this affordable lesbian-conceived nursery network, but we aren't prepared.

Who is prepared? Today's lesbian.

Lesbians have the best nipples. Lesbians have the best nonviolent toys and non-gender-specific clothing. Lesbians have the best baby showers. Lesbians know every remedy for infant gas because they relentlessly e-mail sisters from Tucson, Ariz., to Cambridge, Mass. Lesbians have carpeted homes. Lesbians have cute diaper-changing areas with mobiles flying above. Lesbians love their babies madly, boundlessly, placing this love at the forefront of their existence.

And who are their closest rivals in this race? Gay men with kids.

Order "Mothers Who Think: Tales of Real-Life Parenthood" from the editors of Mothers Who Think.