Whether or not I ever have children of my own, I am grateful to the women and men who are bringing up the next generation. I don't mind if they get some extra breaks and extra respect. I have no problem with a cultural consensus that regards parenthood as a worthy endeavor and even as a social norm.

No, people who choose not to follow this norm should not be stigmatized or hassled with rude questions. But if you're upset when a well-meaning relative or co-worker tells you it's not too late for you to have kids, or asks if you regret not having any, get over it.

What I find truly infuriating about the "child-free" advocates is their smug in-your-face insistence that there is nothing special about childbearing and child-rearing (heck, why should it be special? It's only about the survival of the human race!), that parenthood is no different from any other expensive hobby like, say, collecting antique dollhouses. It's not just parents they're disparaging, it's the very notion that our connection to future generations matters.

Some of my libertarian friends may think that I'm on a slippery slope in embracing the idea that an individual matters only for her service to society or humanity, not as an end in herself. I'm all for individualism, and I usually wince when people like Hewlett use the term as a pejorative. But let's face it, the issue of reproduction does reveal the limits of individualism. Besides, the mentality of the "child-free" movement goes way beyond individualism; it's sheer narcissism.

Reading Belkin's article and other writings on the subject, I kept wondering: Are these people deliberately trying to sound so obnoxious? There's the 36-year-old man who brags to a Philadelphia Inquirer reporter that he often parks in spaces reserved for expectant mothers and parents with small children: "I'm smart enough not to have children, so I feel I deserve the privilege. Besides, women who have just had children are usually complaining about putting on weight, so they could use the exercise." There is the 37-year-old woman who complains to Burkett that she is tired of working longer hours when co-workers with children get time off for family emergencies: "We are punished for not squirting out spawn."

It's funny that the champions of the "child-free" lifestyle keep insisting that they are not anti-child or anti-parent, and then deride parents as "breeders" and childbearing as "popping a scrog." ("Scrogs" is the epithet of choice for children, along with "crib lizards" and "anklebiters.") Do they realize that they're talking about their own parents, too? And do they realize that this is not a good way to win sympathy for a controversial cause? Supporters of initiatives to abolish affirmative action do not, after all, go around using racial slurs.

An even bigger irony is that so many of these folks who feel victimized by other people's brats sound so much like overgrown brats themselves, stamping their feet and crying, "No fair!" If you ask me, I'd much rather be surrounded by a bunch of crying little babies than by a bunch of whining big babies. The little babies will grow up some day. The big ones, as far as I can tell, never will.

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