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What a few good women can do
On Mother's Day, a million mothers will march for gun control.
By Jean Hanff Korelitz
[03/13/00]

My brother's keeper
I have saved him all my life, but now there are too many miles between me and the paraded condoms, the muffled awe.
By Chris Colin
[03/10/00]

"Terminus"
A harrowing poem about rape and murder in the Balkans.
By Nicholas Christopher
[03/09/00]

Witness for the persecution
Croatian novelist and journalist Slavenka Drakulic tells a story of breathtaking brutality. We interview her about her new novel and her experiences.
By Kate Moses
[03/09/00]

Abortions in TV land
Good girls don't get them; bad girls do and pay a price.
By Audrey Fisch
[03/08/00]

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As I confront these things, it's not the physical injuries that startle me; it's the look in these battered children's eyes. They don't want to look at me; they don't want to trust me, or any adult. They don't see the world as safe or peaceful or interesting. They see it as terrifying.

Also Today What a few good women can do On Mother's Day, a million mothers will march for gun control. By Jean Hanff Korelitz   When liberals lie about guns Zealots are polarizing the debate over how to stop violent crime -- and whether firearms can help. By Cathy Young

And I see it as terrifying, too, because there are so few people invested in ending child abuse and helping to heal the victims. We criticize Child Protective Services for not investigating reports or for dropping the ball, but every year in state legislatures across the country, child advocates struggle to get funding for more and better-trained CPS workers -- and fail. There are not enough foster families, social workers and volunteers to work with these children because it's a tough job and dollars are scarce. We have not made this a national priority.

And while these needs are monumental, they still address child abuse and neglect only after it happens. Even if we could drum up money for more and better people to identify and address the effects of child abuse, it would do little for prevention. We need to find out why it happens -- a bigger question with a much more complex answer.

Poverty, youth and lack of education are big factors in abuse and neglect, as are drug abuse, parents who were victims themselves and those moments of insanity and rage that every parent feels from time to time. None of these are issues that can't be addressed through better emotional, educational and financial support of parents and children. Parents need help in dealing with whatever demons are plaguing them. By helping them, we spare their children.

In every case I've seen, a little help in just one area probably would have made the difference. In Michigan, this little boy's mother was evicted and his dad was in jail, which meant the kids went to live with their uncle in a crack house. I wonder what would have happened if someone (the landlord, a neighbor, a friend) had looked into where the mom would go after being evicted and what was going to happen to the kids.

Where is our passion for other human beings? Why does it seem easier to lavish it on pilot whales? We need to identify with the parents who hurt, or might hurt, their children. We need to find the courage to say, "What do you need? I'll hold some of the crap you're carrying so it doesn't get too heavy for you."

When we see a kid who's being a pain in the ass, like the boy in Michigan apparently was, or who is too quiet and afraid, we need to stop thinking that it's none of our business; we need to stop dismissing the kid as a brat or a freak, and find out what's going on.

The Michigan shooting is a perfect opportunity for some good old-fashioned public fury and some private transformation. We need to confront the ugly reality of neglect and feel an urgency to address it, because it affects all of us. And then we have to make protecting children the most important thing we do.

We need to believe that all families are connected, and that we have a responsibility to other parents to be aggressive in reaching out to them when they need help, in making sure the services they need are there and in helping them be good to their kids.

It is easier -- or at least no more demanding -- than standing waist-deep in water with your arms around a whale.
salon.com | March 13, 2000

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