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Recently in Salon Mothers Who Think

Foreskin and several years from now
My husband has dedicated himself to the proposition that he can form a more perfect penis.
By Kim Lane
[12/17/99]

O Tin-nenbaum
This year, we welded our holiday totem; maybe next year we'll get it chromed.
By Gayle Brandeis
[12/16/99]

Die Santa! Die!
As I see it, lying about Santa is like covering for a friend who's having an affair with a jerk.
By Elizabeth Bobrick
[12/16/99]

A swine in Harvard Yard
David Mamet's children's book puts Ivy League angst in the heads of babes.
By Alexandra Jacobs
[12/15/99]

Jack and Baby Vicky sittin' in a tree
A gender-bending love story about a boy and his toy.
By Virginia Gilbert
[12/14/99]

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"Mine does mass e-mailings, so if you send her a note and ask something, she doesn't just answer you, she answers everyone on her list," one friend complained about her mom. "So I get these notes that say 'Karen, I think you should just go.' Who the hell Karen is, or where she's going -- I have no idea. I know some rather personal things about people I have never met."

So what's a beleaguered spamee to do? Automatically delete everything from the annoying relative? That's what one e-mail buddy of mine says her over-spammed mom started doing to her sister, after receiving 40 messages in two days. Another woman who works at a big company disarmed her sister-in-law by telling her that the company e-mail wouldn’t accept attachments because of virus security.

With my own mom, I started off tactfully, pointing her to www.snopes.com to check out the urban legends before forwarding them. When that didn’t work, I tried little jokes, "Oh Mom, that Congress tax thing is so not true." I tried explaining how to strip those maddeningly long headers from forwarded messages. The spam kept coming, and then I got pissed. What finally dammed it was this:

"Dear Mom, here's your checklist for sending e-mail to me:

1) Did someone else write this message? 2) Am I sending it to a long list of people? 3) Is it a joke, warning, call to action, homily or chicken-soup-for-the-soul message?

If you answer YES to any of these, I beg you, don't send it!"

At first she was insulted, explaining that spam was just an affectionate way of staying in touch. But after a little cooling-off period, my mom and I managed to link up again, exchanging some truly personal messages about vacations and her grandchild. Then, the day after my beloved Red Sox fell completely apart in Game 5 of the American League playoffs, a friend forwarded a baseball joke to me and I found that I just couldn’t resist indulging in a little spam fun.

I sent it to my mom.
salon.com | Dec. 20, 1999

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