Salon Media Circus | Mickey Mouse scandal grips nation


T A B L E_.T A L K What do you hate about your local television news? Pet your peeve in the Media area of Table Talk ___________________ Explore the darker side of Disney at BarnesandNoble.com ___________________ R E C E N T L Y Brillian mistake By James Poniewozik Why Brill's Content is too good for this world (12/15/98) The strange liberation of Michael Huffington By Susan Lehman Us goes weekly, all the Remnick that's fit to print and other tales of media madness (12/10/98) Secret America By Steve Erickson When Thomas Jefferson declared we had the right to "life," he meant one immune from the prying eyes of the media and the state (12/09/98) Liberté, Egalité, Versace! By James Poniewozik The new fashion media focuses on the frocks populi. (12/08/98) Ahoy, mates! By Susan Lehman Warring contributors to the Nation magazine bravely set sail together on a Caribbean cruise (12/04/98) - - - - - - - - - - BROWSE THE MEDIA CIRCUS ARCHIVE S A L O N E M P O R I U M FREE! 12-ounce bag of Salon Blend with a purchase of $30 or more. While supplies last.		DARLENE VOTED OUT OF MOUSKETEERS ON STRAIGHT PARTY LINES -- CHARGED WITH DOING REALLY, REALLY BAD THINGS. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - BY GARY KRIST Former Mouseketeer Darlene Gillespie was convicted Friday (Dec. 11) of a dozen federal charges that she had used counterfeit or fraudulent checks to buy tens of thousands of shares in a stock swindle. -- News item Annette (Chairmouse): I hereby bring to order this special session of the Mickey Mouse Club. As you know, we have convened today to decide if Darlene, as a result of the really, really bad things she's done, should be expelled from our club. You have the articles before you ... Cubby: Ms. Chairmouse? Annette: Chair recognizes the Mouseketeer from Maple Street. Cubby: Ms. Chairmouse, as a point of procedure: I think our first order of business should be to determine how really, really bad one has to be to get kicked out of the Mickey Mouse Club, and only then can we decide if the things done by Darlene are really, really bad enough to warrant this action. Sherry: If the Mouseketeer would yield ... Cubby: I haven't finished yet. Sherry: With all due respect, I think the members of this club don't have to be told what is and is not really, really bad ... Cubby: Ms. Chairmouse ... Annette: Order! Cubby: Ms. Chairmouse, it's apparent that Sherry and her friends on that side of the aisle are arguing for these expulsion articles merely on the basis of their partisan disagreement with Darlene over who's cuter, Lonnie or Tommy, and that -- Sherry: If the Mouseketeer would yield ... Cubby: -- and that this has nothing whatsoever to do with Darlene's actions. Annette: Does the Mouseketeer deny that Darlene has done something that will make it impossible for us hereafter to hold our banners high? Cubby: Ms. Chairmouse, no one is denying that Darlene did something really, really bad. She has admitted as much. But the viewers at home have clearly signaled their opinion that, despite their disapproval of her actions, they still desire her to join the jamboree ... Bobby: Excuse me, but my fellow Mouseketeer seems to be implying that this matter should be decided on the basis of public opinion rather than club rules. Sharon: Ms. Chairmouse, point of information! Annette: Yes, the Mouseketeer from Laurel Drive. Sharon: Has this committee ruled that a vote on these articles can indeed take place on "Anything Can Happen Day"? I submit that "Fun With Music Day" or "Talent Round-Up Day" would be perceived as less partisan ... Unidentified Mouseketeer: Or "Circus Day"! Bobby: I'd like to reclaim my time, Ms. Chairmouse ... Lonnie: Wait, my colleague brings up an excellent point. Since this is indeed "Anything Can Happen Day," I submit that we table the vote on the articles of expulsion and instead draft a statement expressing our dismay that Darlene did something really, really bad, adding a rider to make her promise never to do it again. Sherry: Ms. Chairmouse, point of personal privilege: The Mouseketeer from Maple Street has commandeered my mouse ears and refuses to restore them to my possession! Annette: Order! Order! Is the Mouseketeer indeed in possession of his colleague's mouse ears? Cubby: Yes, Ms. Chairmouse, and I have every intention of reinstating them the moment we vote to table this expulsion vote. Sherry: That's not fair! Annette: Order! (Banging gavel) Has the Mouseketeer forgotten Jimmie's proposed resolution about proverbs helping us all to be better Mouseketeers? And don't proverbs tell us that the wise man thinks twice before he acts once? Cubby: I'm sorry, Ms. Chairmouse. I stand corrected ... Debate on the articles of expulsion continued for several more minutes. At 4 p.m., the chairmouse called for a vote. The committee voted 21-16 in favor of recommending expulsion. Mouseketeers Lonnie and Cubby cried for several minutes. Then Annette sang a song, after which several members of the committee made it known that they felt a lot better. By unanimous vote, it was decided that the meeting should end and everyone should just have a cookie and watch cartoons. SALON \| Dec. 16, 1998 Gary Krist's most recent novel is "Bad Chemistry." He is a frequent contributor to Salon.