BARHOPPING WITH THE BUD GIRLS | PAGE 1, 2, 3
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"When we walk into a bar, all we have is ourselves," says 24-year-old Bud Girl Rachel Moore, a recent college graduate. "We may be passing out a key chain or something, but we make the promotion."

Brown Distributing Bud Girls (we'll get to the male representatives later) are held to strict standards. A Bud Girl doesn't smoke, swear, use drugs or have tattoos, non-ear piercings or a criminal record.

Her only permissible vice is drinking Budweiser, and that, of course, is mandatory. If a potential Bud Girl passes the interviews, background checks and drug testing, she's awarded a $15-an-hour part-time position and a Bud Girl wardrobe.

Bud Girl clothing isn't simply halter tops and spandex dresses. The wardrobe is Technicolor dream-wear that transforms attractive yet otherwise ordinary girls into a sort of beer-touting Justice League. Once in costume, the Bud Girls are superheroes whose sexual power turns any bar into one of those 1980s beer commercials, where the swimsuit model reduces men to puddles of gratitude and adoration.

"I wonder who they think we actually are," says 28-year-old Bud Girl Griselda Mendoza. "[The clothes] change everything. They could see me at a supermarket and I won't get paid much attention. But put on a little Bud vest and all of a sudden guys want everything signed."

At one bar promotion I attended, the Bud Girls were asked to sign a promotional banner. They wrote: "This Bud's For You, We Love You." And, in their own way, they do. And men, in their own way, believe it. Bud Girls seem to enjoy their part-time work as hops goddesses as much as men enjoy begging at their feet for key chains and cozies. But just how widespread are these lust-driven promotions?

All of the Big Three American labels (Budweiser, Miller and Coors, which constitute nearly 80 percent of the U.S. beer market) practice some college recruiting. But Anheuser-Busch, with nearly 50 percent of the market, has the most extensive program. Miller marketing representative Ann Espey said her company has recently "shied away" from hiring on campus, and agreed that hiring male fraternity representatives is irresponsible. Similarly, Coors spokesman Dave Taylor says his company has "moved away" from such practices. Although "shied away" and "moved away" suggest that Coors and Miller have made significant policy changes, neither representative will say the practice is extinct.

"You need to understand the primary consumer target for beer companies is young adult males," Taylor says. "Historically, college programs were very common in the industry when the drinking age was 18. Now at the local level, with 600 independent distributors, does hiring models still occur? Probably, yes."

"At the local level" is another key phrase. Because beer girls and college programs are run by independent distributors, parent companies often feign ignorance of the practice. Likewise, while some distributors have never even heard of student recruiting ("College representatives?" asked a shocked receptionist at the Ann Arbor, Mich., Anheuser-Busch wholesaler. "This is a beer distributor, sir"), wholesalers in cities like Tucson, Los Angeles and Denver have programs in place.

To set the stage for the Bud Girls, these distributors pre-pack college bars with streamers, table tents, coasters, inflatable footballs, pool-table lamps, posters and, of course, neon signs. Add the Bud Girls and the stage is set. The live commercial begins.

Two local students, Christi Voigt, 21, and Jaime Franks, 22, enter the Austin BW-3 chicken wing franchise during a Dallas Cowboys football game. They're wearing blue Bud Light halter tops and denim shorts. Bud Girls say they prefer the shorts-and-halter-top ensemble to the classic beer can-print spandex dress, but noted the distribution company prefers the tight dress because "It's more visible." (As Mendoza wryly noted, "A lot of guys have a misconception that if a girl is wearing a dress that looks like a beer can, they can pick us up.")

Although Voigt and Franks give away some free key chains and beers to the rowdy crowd, they mostly distribute charm. Bud Girls have charm on the fly. Once in gear, the beer drinker is the center of attention. The beer drinker is witty and attractive. But if said beer drinker refuses to change brands or asks the nauseatingly common "Can I have you with that beer?" query, the Bud Girl downshifts: The beer drinker is a gnat, an impotent man unworthy of a Bud Girl's slightest concern. They remain professional -- the smile never wavers -- but the charm is gone and patrons can read "get lost" right through their Colgate teeth.

In other words, Bud Girls can really mess with a beer drinker's self-esteem.

Franks walks up to a table of four students. She makes eye contact with the tallest male in the group, tilts her head, and slowly asks, "What kind of beer are you drinking?"

He guiltily stammers something about Dos Equis.

She purposefully lays down a key chain bottle opener in front of him, never breaking eye contact.

"What will you drink now?"

"Uh, Buh-Bud."

She smiles: Good boy.

The display is impressive, but Voigt and Franks are rookies. Bud Girl supervisor Eric Bradford sips his Budweiser and wistfully recalls veterans who'd brazenly grab a customers' non-Bud beer and dump it out.

Whether sweet or savage, all Bud Girls operate on the same basic principle: their well-endowed bodies become the curvy slates upon which beer slogans and men's horny dreams are projected. The male of the Bud species functions a bit differently ...

N E X T_ P A G E .|. Sousing the frat boys