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In America, girls and women with enormous noses often get their beaks trimmed to a desirable dimension at a plastic surgeon's office, where rhinoplasty condenses a ponderous proboscis into a dainty snout, like Jody Foster's. Small is beautiful in Caucasian countries; nobody spends their cash here on enlarging their nasal peninsula.

Olfactory organ angst is the reverse in the Philippines, where indigenous sniffers are generally flat, short and wide. Filipinas crave longer, pointier noses, according to the Philippine magazine Businessworld. And now, a torturous device has been invented to aid them in their Pinocchio ambitions. Nasal inserts! An enhancement gizmo called the Cleopatra is getting crammed into the nostril cavities of the archipelago's women. The bullet-shaped contraption is tweezed into both orifices of a pug nose and then spring-released. The resulting pressure propels a small bump into an elegant, articulated, Sigourney Weaveresque peak. Each Cleopatra kit is equipped with three different sizes that enable beaks to be jacked upwards from 3 to 13 millimeters.

The Cleopatra won't create sinus infections because it's coated with silicone, and its black hue renders it invisible in the shadowy depths of one's schnoz. But are the pushy props comfortable? Or do they obsess the wearer with a manic desire to snort, sneeze and finger them out? Are they secure? Will a romantic date be killed when a Cleopatra blasts into a dinner salad, leaving the nose of the beloved lop-sided?

Advertisements on Manila’s local television depict stretch-nosed Filipinas cavorting romantically with handsome men, while sad flat-nosed women wander by in abject solitude. A voice-over advises, "Get Cleopatra. Perfect for pictures, dates, job interviews. Bring back the confidence in your life." It's tragic that commerce and infatuation with Hollywood actresses has coalesced to erode Filipina self-esteem, but at least the nasal-lifter is only 3,980 pesos ($98), a petite fraction of plastic surgery's expense.
salon.com | Jan. 27, 2000

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