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Married to my beeper | page 1, 2
Yes, for weeks my heart would sing every time I
heard her crisp, melodic voice. I didn't even notice
that we were starting to go out a lot less. But my
friends noticed. First it was just whispering, but
soon there were accusations. I never went out
drinking. I never played basketball. They only saw me
at the hospital, and even then I was always with her. At first I argued back, told them that they just
didn't understand. I told them that she made me feel
important; she made me feel like a doctor. Didn't they
see? But slowly I began to realize they were right. I
was withdrawing. It had become just the two of us, and
for as much as I loved being with her, my social life
was starting to suffer. Though at first we
had whispered of all sorts of exciting things like
codes and emergencies, soon it seemed all we could
talk about were drugs I had ordered incorrectly or lab
results I needed to pick up. In fact, I found that she was becoming more and
more controlling. Soon the nervous excitement of going
out together at night began to fade. She was always
the one deciding where we'd go and what we'd do, and
then oftentimes she'd force me to get up and leave
right in the middle of the movie or dinner. And she
was always interrupting me when I talked. I hated
that. Maybe, I thought, I wasn't ready for this kind
of commitment. I guess I should have said something then, but
instead I just made excuses for her. It was a phase
she was going through, I told myself. It
would pass eventually, and things would settle down. But it
didn't. And soon, her high-pitched voice began to
sound more shrill than anything else. "Why weren't you at conference today?" she'd
sneer accusingly. "Why didn't you put that diabetic on
a low-sugar diet?" She knew my soft spots and had
learned to push all my buttons (though, to be fair,
I'd been pushing hers for quite some time). I was
growing tired, and began to curse that office manager
who'd introduced us so long ago. He must have known
about her. Why did he do this to me? He was no friend,
I thought. He tricked me into this, never letting on
that under her tight, shiny young exterior was a cold,
metallic woman. So with whatever strength I had left, I fought. I
wanted my life back, I'd shout. I didn't want to
spend my nights hearing her drone on about my
patients' elevated potassium levels and dislike of
hospital food. I said I could change, but she told me
she couldn't, that this was "how she was made." We had taken each other for
better or worse, she'd remind me. I was stuck. It was true, I realized. For all the misery she
had caused, I still needed her, and had come to depend on her.
After all, if it weren't for #5708, I never would have made it to Mrs.
McClure's room in time to convince her not to sign out of the hospital because she was in danger of dying from her irregular heartbeat. And then there was the time when my pager pulled me out of
lunch to tell me Mr. Rosenthal's blood pressure had
dropped to near fatal levels, and I was able to get there
in time to help save him. Indeed, for all her faults, she did have an
uncanny sense -- call it woman's intuition -- about what was
going on with my patients, and when they needed me.
To be honest, I don't know how other doctors,
especially those in the olden days of medicine,
managed to stay single. Who warned them of danger?
Who told them of the emergencies? Yes, my wife
certainly had a lot of downsides. But I suppose I
could not have made it without her. When that happened, I realized that there was
only one thing to do. Marriage is forever, and if this
was going to work, I simply had to come to accept
#5708 for who she was and that she'd be with me for
the rest of my life.
Today, #5708 and I have come to what I consider
somewhat of a truce. Yes, she continues to wake me in
the night, usually for no good reason at all. And
of course, she still keeps me from doing all the
things I'd like. But, I now realize, marriage is a
partnership, and can't always just be about what I
want. So we still spend our long days and short
nights together. Sometimes she gets run down, and
sometimes so do I. And when that happens, we just
attempt a smile, recharge each other, and steel
ourselves for another day.
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