This week, suddenly -- just like that -- it's the 11th day, the penultimate hour, damn near closing time.

And boy, has it flown by -- soared on the scrofulous wings of a diseased pigeon.

We never did get to know those singles.

Tonight, the girls have gathered together to select their final "dream date" from a lineup of previously sampled man-boys. The date will last two days, which means -- you know -- there will be sleeping.

A whole night's worth!

We wish we could have a dream date.

Before the selection begins, the insatiable Mandy, who still has some unknown species of orange, bulbous sea life attached to her head where her hair should be, has a special request: She would like to be allowed to choose someone she didn't date so much as attempt to seduce while he was on a date with someone else. That someone else, we know, is Shannon. And the man Mandy wants is "I can't believe he's not Ivy League" Tom.

Sure, she can see that Shannon and Tom really like each other, and, yeah, she's probably aware that anything that helps Shannon come to her senses about Andy is probably a good thing, but Mandy can't help herself.

She's a bitch.

Luckily, Shannon gets to pick first and she and Tom fall into each other's arms in a Dr. Zhivago-style hug that makes Mandy look down, purse her lips and blink hard.

Next up is Valerie, whose exquisite disgust deepens with every passing moment. For her date, she chooses the "really upbeat" Dano, as Shannon and Mandy laugh from the sidelines. The other guys look relieved.

"I need someone to take my mind off of what could happen at the end," Valerie says, once again proving her commitment to suffering and her unwavering dedication to spreading bad vibes.

Finally, Mandy, who unlike Valerie, just wants to have as much one-on-one fun as she can squeeze into a short series, takes a moment to survey the spoils. Then she leaps like the unholy spawn of Bozo and a baby giraffe into the arms of the young Adonis Jon -- who doesn't really ring a bell -- and wraps her legs around his waist.

Um, have they met?

Meanwhile, Johnny -- who had lapped fluids from her navel only days earlier -- throws his head back in slow motion and lets out an agonized silent sigh.

And Johnny wasn't the only one surprised by her choice.

"Frankly, I'm stunned," Jon says. "We haven't spent as much time as some of the other people have together."

Why did she choose Jon over Johnny, whose nipples she had so recently tipped in strawberry? Mandy credits her choice to his "shyness and quiet intelligence."

"I'm so curious to find out why he puts knots in my stomach!" she says.

Hmm. So are we. Could it be that:

A) his (shiny!) blond hair momentarily distracted Mandy?
B) "Temptation Island" is like a box of chocolates and Mandy's a little Gumpy?
Or,
C) a slight breeze would tie Mandy's stomach in knots?

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