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The outback bites back!
Jerri needs chocolate and sex, in that order; and, at Kucha, a trial by fire.

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March 2, 2001 | Over at the Ogakor camp two comely women in their 20s are lying on their back in a tent, legs splayed wide, and howling for a Texas stud to come in and service them.

Only on "Survivor" would that be the second-most interesting scene on a particular episode.




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Last week's show ended, as always, with scenes from the next week's show.

The little teasers are always titillating, but last week's looked like something more. In the few quick cuts, we saw a lot of splashing around in the water, a few shrieks of horror -- and a helicopter landing on a sand dune.

We could see that someone would be injured -- perhaps seriously. We imagined that, maybe, some kind of water reptile might be involved.

Like, for instance, that crocodile we keep seeing in the credits.

We could tell the accident happened in the Kucha tribe, and using a process of elimination of the people seen grieving, we could tell that it would be either psycho Mike or buff Alicia taking a helicopter ride to where they serve saline cocktails at the side of the bed.

But then we remembered a dozen red herrings unleashed last season and just figured the whole thing could be a ruse.

We laughed. We lined up the jokes. We even wrote some headlines. The best one we came up with was "Crocodile Tears."

Now, we've said some bad things about Mike the Jesus freak. He seemed a little suspicious when we found out he brought war paint from home.

A little scary when he was chasing down that baby pig with a knife.

And his ravings about leaders and God around the dinner table were the most delusional and terrifying of all.

Then, recently, a tabloid of sometimes questionable reputation reported that Mike was as violent in his home life as he seems on the show.

But does he deserve what we see happen to him tonight?

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The show starts off with the long walk home from last week's very wet tribal council meeting. It's a two-and-a-half-hour walk, we know from our "Survivor" manual, and the Kucha team makes the whole way in a downpour.

Kentucky Joe, the older guy whose real name is Rodger, says it's the worst they've seen in 16 days.

It will turn out to be the second worst.

"When it rains here it means you're cold at night; you don't sleep," says shoe designer Elisabeth in a voice-over. "It takes you a day to recover from rain. Being cold at night is guaranteed, but being cold and wet ... Stick a fork in me."

. Next page | Jeff: Mr. Negativity
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6





 



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