Well, the daily downs, really ...

The ...

Let's start again.

"Big Brother" -- he dead! And no one is more relieved than we are. Three months of CBS reality TV programming will turn even the most cheerful critic into a frothing misanthrope, and we were already a little dyspeptic to begin with.

We have no regrets, but ask us if we'd do it again and we're likely to harm you.

We are pretty sure the greatest artistic flop in American televisual history is about to slink off shamefaced to the trash heap of oblivion.

(We are aware there has been some talk of "Big Brother 2." Whenever it came up we cupped our hands over our ears and made that "wa-wa-wa" sound.)

But before the death of this one, we'd like to trot it out for one last lap around the corral and make absolutely sure we've milked it (to slightly strain the metaphor) for every last drop of usable copy.

Remorse (and fear of rancorous hamsters) was also involved. After supplying you, our readers, with months of ill-begotten laughs at the expense of others, we felt it only fair that a hamster should have the last word.

But it had to be a smart hamster. A fearless hamster. A hamster after our own shriveled hearts.

It had to be Jordan.

Jordan -- real name Jean Jordan -- worked as an exotic dancer at a Minneapolis men's club before her four-week stay in the "Big Brother" house. She's also a triathlete and no one's fool. Inside the house, she was a master provocateur, and scandalized the other hamsters with her alliance with Mega and her rascally involvement in the love triangle with Brittany and Josh.

Since she left the house, she has been doing radio and working on a book about her experiences in the skin trade.

Amazingly, she picked up the phone.

What did you think of the show?

I think it sucks! I think the Weather Channel is more interesting than "Big Brother"!

Are you glad you were part of it, now that's it's over?

I think I'm glad, I think I am -- I don't know.

I gained more insight into the way the media works. I think "Big Brother" is very exploitative. If you're prepared to be exploited, then it's fine. The people on "Big Brother" are much more distorted by the media [than the people on "Survivor"], so in turn they are much more attacked by the public.

Now playing: Read all the recent movie reviews by Salon's critics