But the biggest problem is that the record has been conceived as Geri Halliwell's proclamation of her own reinvention. It's understandable that, after playing the role of Ginger Spice, Halliwell wants to talk in a normal tone of voice and slip out of the Union Jack drag-queen glad rags. She's been all over the glossies in her new role as roving goodwill ambassador for the United Nations, and all over the women's mags showing off her makeover. The trouble is that musically she's chosen to express this with the kind of inspirational numbers that pop music seems to be drowning in right now. Lyrics like "Walk away this time/with my head held high" are, of course, direct references to leaving the Spice Girls and finding herself a public joke. No doubt it's important to her, but this is pop music as "Oprah" appearance. I'm genuinely glad for Halliwell that she's landed on her feet, but she needs to learn to have as much trashy fun in loafers as she did in those red platform boots.

The sort of cheesy fun that's missing from "Schizophonic" can be found on "Honey to the B," the attempt to out-Britney Britney that is the debut from British teen singer Billie. It's an indefensible piece of teenage pop -- as calculated and plastic as they come. I rather enjoyed it. One thing Billie has going for her is producers who don't seem to have a lot of patience with ballads. They're careful to keep a dance beat behind the numbers, even the slower ones; nobody's out to make a statement here. The one absolutely irresistible piece of candy is "Honey to the Bee," the most shameless piece of Lolita-pop imaginable, and one of the most lascivious pop metaphors since Sheena Easton wiggled her way through Prince's "Sugar Walls" (at one point, I swear Billie sings the lyric "I need that honey drip every hour" as "I need that horny drip every hour" Oh, behave!). There's no subtlety in a song that begins with a teenage girl whispering, "C'mon, buzz me up to heaven, baby," but it does remind you that the season's pleasures aren't all reputable. It's the best compliment you can pay Billie that when you hear "Honey to the Bee," you wonder, "Does her mother know about this?"

salon.com | June 14, 1999

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