You knew things were cooling off when they started using the word "jazz" on a show produced by Aaron Spelling Television, Inc. Things are even worse when -- this actually happened on May 10 -- the Megan character, sitting down to her marriage proposal rooftop dinner with the Ryan character, had to look over at the nerdy guy behind the synthesizer and say the words, "Is that Michael Feinstein?" Why, yes.

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If Amanda had an ideal musical soundtrack it would be that Muzak they pipe into certain workplaces to make the employees more productive. In every third scene, she's tapping away at a laptop, usually while her husband is talking at her. (Lately, he's been having to close the laptop in a huff a lot to get her attention. I hope she hits "save" frequently, as she's a Mac person.) In fact, I'm curious if Amazon.com's upcoming charity cyber auction of props from the show will include her computer. PowerBook G3 going once, going twice ...

I'm going to miss Amanda and her PowerBook on Monday nights precisely because of the way me and my PowerBook spend our Monday afternoons -- playing catch-up, not getting everything done, racing to assuage as much workload guilt by sundown, when "Melrose Place" came on. Perhaps I didn't get around to returning that phone call; Amanda just pimped her best friend to a client! Perhaps I didn't quite finish that thing I was supposed to finish; Amanda just fired her other best friend! The one whose house she's staying at! Perhaps I hung up on my sister too abruptly when my boss was on the other line; Amanda reacts to the news that her marriage is falling apart with, "So what if it is? That doesn't change the start date of the commercial!" And finally, every time Heather Locklear is typing "fjkdjfslkjfdksjfldsjfls" on her laptop as someone enters her office, I can crack open a beer with the knowledge that I wrote whole sentences, even paragraphs that day on mine. So, alas, when "Melrose Place" goes off the air forever on May 24, Amanda Woodward will be a million miles from Monday and I'll still be stuck right here without her in Illinois.
salon.com | May 24, 1999

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