Welcome to the Dark Hotel. Coming soon, this shy and retiring space will be thrust into national prominence, as the Hotel plays host to a twisted tale of media manipulation, brazen lies and consummate cynicism. Yes, that's right -- the presidential campaign 2000 is coming to the Dark Hotel! Stay tuned for all the thrills, all the pills, all the indictments, right here in the Dark Hotel -- Gary Hart's home away from home! (Maracas $3 extra per night.)

And while you wait, why not stroll aimlessly around the Hotel? If you missed it, we just concluded our third season with our most ambitious story yet, "A Blues for Drago Drugilovic." Check it out! And don't "accidentally" make off with any towels -- we've been watching you for some time.

-The Management

And now, please check in. The accordions await.