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Useless and uselesser | page 1, 2
Woo woo! It's tempting to quote the entire book, especially since no human being will ever buy a copy. Not even as a present: What kind of guy would give his girlfriend a Chippendales' cookbook? I'll confine myself to mentioning that there's a recipe for I'm Just Wild About Saffron Potatoes. Oh, and one for Strawberries Moan-an-off -- excuse me? -- and one for South of Her Border if You Think You Can Afford Her. And look! Even one for Woo Woo! Woo Woo is a drink in the "Lubrications" chapter, which also includes Creamy Wicked Willy and Fancy Licker-ish. All of these are illustrated with photos of male models in poses you can probably figure out for yourself.
… Oh, I forgot about bridal showers. I guess "In the Kitchen with the Chippendales" might make an OK shower present for the most horrible kind of bride-to-be. But as long as we're on the topic of heads that deserve to roll, I would happily guillotine everyone associated with this waste of paper. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Still, my New Year's resolution was always to be nice about everything, so let me balance my previous meanness by talking about two new cookbooks whose authors don't deserve the guillotine. One you have to buy right now is the adorable Cocktail Food by Mary Corpening Barber and Sara Corpening Whiteford. The Corpening twins run Thymes Two Catering in San Francisco, which is a good sign. Caterers know how to make maximum-impact food with minimum work. This approach is especially important for cocktail food, which is so finicky and labor-intensive that it's not worth making unless it's really, really good. (As Peg Bracken said in "The I Hate to Cook Book," "A dish of Macadamia nuts is usually emptied faster than the plateful of bread-rounds fancied up by loving hands at home.") I made Open Sesame Shrimp -- shrimp coated in sesame seeds and served with a tahini-ginger dipping sauce -- at my last party, and people inhaled it. I expect them to do the same with bayou biscuits, which are sandwiched with andouille slices, and with peanut- Another book that sent me running into the kitchen is the BowlFood Cookbook by Lynne Aronson and Elizabeth Simon. The premise here is that everything tastes better in a bowl. Which is obviously inaccurate: A steak, for instance, would taste a lot worse in a bowl. What the authors mean is that food that has to be served in a bowl is better than other food -- and from a comfort standpoint, they're right. "Food served in bowls is unintimidating and homey, inviting and ready to be consumed. Everything in the bowl is conveniently chopped, minced, or sliced into bite-size morsels, with the exception of noodles, and they're so much fun to eat, who cares if they need to be twirled and slurped?" "BowlFood" starts out with 20 broth recipes -- some basic, some intriguingly novel -- and moves on to various subjects: soups; "Hearty Bowls" such as roasted pork loin with honey-hoisin marinade; noodle, pasta and rice bowls; salads; and my two favorite chapters, "Dumplings and Doodads" ("irresistible little snacks and go-withs") and "Great Little Bowls of Fire and Spice" ("Spicy combinations from a range of ethnic traditions to use as rubs, glazes, marinades, dips, and dollops"). There are a few bowl desserts as well -- bread puddings and ice creams and so on, though this chapter seems a little tacked on. The book's basic concept is strong enough without it. "BowlFood" isn't as attractive as it could be -- its typeface is navy, and its only adornment is cartoony illustrations of different kinds of bowls -- and occasionally it, too, stumbles into the cute-name tar pit. Cool Hand Cuke Soup, True Grits with Grilled Marinated Squid, No Choke Artichoke Stew -- all of these do a disservice to their recipes. My New Year's resolutions for cookbook authors: No famous people showing off. No Chippendales books, ever. And leave out the funny names from now on. 'Kay?
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