My husband and I are old Deadheads, married 19 years, with two daughters. A couple of years ago my best friend from college suggested that we buy a piece of land out West in partnership. She is an artist, her husband is a welder and tinkerer, my husband is a gardener and forester, and I write. It seemed like a beautiful dream, and then suddenly a beautiful piece of property with two homesites came on the market, and we bought it. Our friends moved into a primitive cabin on the site and a couple of years later my husband and I built our house, but I started to get a bad feeling about the whole thing. Our friends kept their distance and did not socialize with us. Since finishing our house, my husband has put in a garden, an irrigation system, planted 2,000 trees (he is meant for this life!), and our partners can't even get their own house finished; and their garbage and dead cars continue to pile up. They have a good thing going -- we do all the work, they reap the benefit. I would like to sell our beautiful home, but their half-finished hovel and little slice of Appalachia is right next to our home; who would want to buy into a partnership with these two jokers anyway? Any advice you have on this situation would be greatly appreciated.

At the End of My Rope

Dear Rope,

Oh dear. The dreams of the '60s -- communal harmony and joy in a state of nature and innocence -- have come down to this? Living next door to dopes? OK, it's a big mistake and a rough deal, but look on the bright side. Your husband loves his life there and it's tolerable for you. Confess it. Go ahead. Say, "It's tolerable." You're a writer, you can sit in a room and write, it's what you do, and if the neighbors are wacko trash-heads, then write about them. Nothing bad ever happens to a writer; everything is material. Any township that has zoning regulations will also have some common-sense limits on dead cars and garbage, and don't hesitate to contact your local officials. If you need to, put up a privacy fence between your house and the hovel. It can be 8 feet high and covered with psychedelic ornamentation. Think of what you'd like the outcome of this story to be and then write it that way. In my version, the two jokers would give their hearts to Jesus and repent and buy you out and turn the place into a Bible camp. In your version, perhaps they'd be driven away by coyotes, or turn out to be space aliens, or simply disappear and go looking for Jerry.

Dear Mr. Blue,

My husband and I have casual friends who insist on injecting their political views in every social situation and feel the need to ruin a perfectly nice evening with snide comments about people whom we support. They don't want a stimulating discussion -- the amused glances and "nudges" that pass between them make that obvious. They once invited us to dine with them and another couple of their acquaintance, and spent almost the entire evening in partisan political talk, totally excluding us from the conversation.

My husband and I feel that it is rude to do this to people who have obviously differing views and can't imagine why they would deliberately make us uncomfortable in this way. Should I talk frankly with them about it or just terminate this relationship?

Uncomfortable Being Skewered

Dear Uncomfortable,

Everyone knows just the sort of folks you're describing and unfortunately many of us have on occasion been those dreadful folks, eye-rolling, nudges, smirks and all. Wait for them to invite you again and tell them gently that you don't feel comfortable being patronized and belittled by them and give them a chance to apologize and make amends. Don't drop them without letting them know what's wrong and tell them as politely as you possibly can. Always confront rudeness with good manners.

Dear Mr. Blue,

For my 30th birthday, my normally ept fiancé bought me a cookbook, a nice one (and a lovely bunch of flowers), but mainly a cookbook. I was quite depressed at receiving such an unromantic gift, which to me screams, "Happy birthday, housewife." I thought I was being hideous and shallow, but my girlfriends said that I should raise it with him. I did, and he was very distressed. Money is not an issue for him, and in the past he has given me thoughtful gifts. However, he spent more time/thought/money purchasing a gift for his business partner's wife's 50th birthday do. Should I have raised it with him at all? It really made me very upset. In my family, birthdays are Big Deals, and he is aware of this.

Might Be Spending My 31st Alone

Dear Might,

You felt bad and you told him and that's all fair, and now it's up to him to make you feel better. Any man knows about this, I hope. It's his choice, whether to argue about the triviality of the whole thing and make you feel worse, or do what he needs to do to make you feel better.

Maya Angelou reads from "The Heart of a Woman"