| |||||
|
Arts & Entertainment  BooksComics Health & Body Media Mothers Who Think News People Politics2000 Technology - Free Software Project Travel & Food  Columnists
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - Also Today For a full list of today's Salon Books stories, go to the
Books home page. - - - - - - - - - - - - Search Salon - - - - - - - - - - - - Salon Columnists - - - - - - - - - - - - Recently in Salon Books Reviews Reviews - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The man of my dreams | page 1, 2, 3
At 34, after three children and 15 and a half years of turbulent marriage, I am ready to chuck it all.
What I fail to understand is what happened. We have endured a child with chronic illness,
back surgery, bankruptcy, lack of communication, religious differences and complacency. I
can't stand to look at (much less enjoy intimacy with) the man who has fathered our three
beautiful and extraordinary children. We communicate only what is necessary, i.e., what the
kids' schedules are and what bills are due. He goes to work early and I try to stay late
enough that I don't have to see him when I get home. He is truly a wonderful person.
However, the pizazz has fizzled. Should I stay or should I go? Bummfuddled
Mr. Blue Garrison Keillor's column appears every Tuesday in Salon Books.
Feeling blue about your prose? In the doldrums over your last date? Ask Mr. Blue. Dear Bummfuddled, That's a sterling list of troubles you've endured, though I don't know how complacency figures in. Complacency is everyone's problem, and so is lack of communication, and they never go away. Maybe you can't communicate because you're afraid of the depth of your feelings -- your own anger, for example. When you say you can't stand to look at your husband, this is more than a fizzle, it's an explosion. The back problems, the bankruptcy, the suffering of your child: Have you turned your anger at these miseries against each other? It's nothing I can comment on, and I sincerely recommend that you sit down in a quiet room with a caring professional and a box of Kleenex and tell her everything, the whole bloody story. Not to save the marriage, but to save you. Dear Mr. Blue, My wife and I have a contentious relationship. When we get along, it's all honey and pie; when we fight, look out. Whenever we're at her family's house or when she's got her friends over, she takes the opportunity to dump on me and treat me very shabbily and make fun of me in ways that even her friends find embarrassing. She's like a different person, bitchy, loud and abusive. She mistakes others' silence for approval. When her "allies" go home and I'm thoroughly pissed off, it can take days before I'm calm enough to talk to her. By then, it's all forgotten and "What's your problem?" She's really a good woman, a wonderful mother, but there's this bully in there who can't wait to get in a safe place and start lashing out. Any suggestions how I can deal with this? Pissed Dear Pissed, The surest strategy is to smile and bear up and kill her with kindness. This truly does work to deflect cruelty. And it feels good; it feels a lot better than foaming and raging and being just as stupid as she. Be a prince. She'll stop. Dear Mr. Blue, I am slowly becoming enchanted by a very lovely woman. The problem is that she has two kids. I never thought of getting into a relationship with someone who has children. I like the kids a lot, two boys (8 and 7), and we've had some fun times together. One of them is impish and athletic and the other funny and dramatic. Altogether I like and admire them as a family, and I wonder if I am getting into something I'll regret? Will I be haunted by a feeling that this family is not my own? Something in my gut tells me to run the other way, find a childless woman and start my own family. What thinkest thou? Happy Today Dear Happy, It sounds as if you're trying to keep yourself from liking Mama and the boys as much as you obviously do, trying to scare yourself by imagining that you might not like them in the future, imagining regrets, a haunted feeling. You don't need me to scare you. I think that probably she is a lovely woman with two wonderful kids and you're falling in love with her. If you really want to fall out, better do it quick before you get in too far, which you may already be. Dear Mr. Blue, I met a stunning, young married woman at a professional conference with whom I've been exchanging passionate e-mails. Why is it so damned easy to come unglued online? We've already concluded that the whole thing is impossible, but we keep chippying away with little notes. I feel guilty but can't wait till she comes to town. What should we do? About to Burn in Hell Dear About, Men who are embarking on passionate adulterous affairs that will land them in hell do not write to their elderly Uncle Blue and ask him what they should do. You know what you should do. You've been taught this since you were small, I presume. It isn't a problem of not knowing. It's a question of how much ignorance you can summon up so as to enable you to do what you know not to do. At various times in my life, I've been able to dumb myself down to remarkable depths and I assume you can too, if you put your mind to it.
| ||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
||
Next page |