| |||||
|
Arts & Entertainment  BooksComics Health & Body Media Mothers Who Think News People Politics2000 Technology - Free Software Project Travel & Food  Columnists
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - Also Today For a full list of today's Salon Books stories, go to the
Books home page. - - - - - - - - - - - - Search Salon - - - - - - - - - - - - Salon Columnists - - - - - - - - - - - - Recently in Salon Books Reviews Reviews Ivory Tower Book Bag Ivory Tower - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Faithful for now | page 1, 2, 3
A friend from back home called to say he and his wife would like to come this summer for a week's visit. His wife is a conceited, pretentious, destructive woman who my husband and I cannot bear. I feel conflicted. Should I search my heart to find some kinder feelings toward her and try to tolerate her? Or say no? I want to do the gracious and mature thing. Wondering
Mr. Blue Garrison Keillor's column appears every Tuesday in Salon Books.
Feeling blue about your prose? In the doldrums over your last date? Ask Mr. Blue. Dear Wondering, A week is too long to be sequestered with someone you dislike so much. An evening you could manage, but a week is a prescription for homicide. Accept the possibility that you may be entirely wrong about the woman, and tell your friend that you're much too busy to entertain them for a week. Life is short. Enjoy it. Don't beg misery. Dear Mr. Blue, I've been dating this guy seriously for almost two years, and recently he proposed to me. There are two problems, though: He's in the military and will be sent to Germany soon, and my family hates him. I'm 18 and he's 19. I really love him a lot, but my family doesn't think I should go through with it. Should I go along with my family, or should I follow my heart? Completely Confused Dear C.C., You asked so I'll give an answer. Listen to your family. Don't marry him now. Don't marry in confusion. Keep in touch with him, get to know him if you like and let your family take a break from him. When he's done with his tour of duty, he'll be more mature and know how not to piss them off, and you'll be more ready to be a wife, if that's what you decide to do. But don't make any promises. You're 18. Live your own life. Dear Mr. Blue, I have been married for almost 30 years and have two wonderful sons, one in college and one in high school. Within a year or two of our marriage I found myself attracted to other men and eventually had several affairs. One of the men left his wife and begged me to marry him. My husband found out, almost had a nervous breakdown and threatened to take our children from me. So I stayed. Now that the children have their own lives I have pursued my interests in painting and folk dance. My husband rarely participates in family life, working on weekends and never taking a real vacation. Our house is falling down around us, and we're always behind in our bills. When he's away for a period of time, I do think fondly of him but it doesn't last long. I fantasize about leaving him, but I keep thinking about how horrible it was when he found out about my affair. I'm afraid he'd go crazy again. What should I do? How do I figure this out? Confused and Afraid Dear Confused, Trust is the oxygen of a marriage, and you sucked all the air out of the room when you had your affairs. Naturally, the union suffers. It's good you're still capable of fondness for your husband, but you do need to make your choice, lady. This is torture. You figure it out by consulting your heart. Have you made a wholehearted attempt to revive and restore this marriage? Romance is an act of imagination, and the human imagination is infinitely capable of great leaps, including forgiveness and renewal. If you don't wish to heal this limping painful marriage, then you should bring things to an end in as civil and friendly and fond a way as possible. Dear Mr. Blue, I've been married for 12 years to a wonderful woman. We have a smart, charming, caring son who's 10, a dog, a cat and two fish. I work as a consultant four days a week, some from home, and can be as flexible as I want to be with my schedule. Sex between my wife and me has never been better. I play guitar but have no yearnings to be a professional musician. In fact, I have no regrets whatsoever about my life and the choices I made to get here. I am not stressing about keeping up with the Joneses, I am not cheating on my wife or flirting over the Internet. So what's my problem? Don't have one. Thought I'd drop you a line so that among all the dysfunctional philandering alcoholic ambisexual writer wannabes fretting over past, present and future decisions you get to read a letter written by someone who is none of the above and who actually takes responsibility for his own actions! Joe Dear Joe, Noted. Dear Mr. Blue, I am a 28-year-old woman incredibly frustrated and disillusioned with love and romance. Being from a conservative church background, I am often frustrated with the way I feel as opposed to the way I am supposed to feel -- the conflicts between spirit and the "flesh." I have not had a date in four years. I honestly don't remember the last one. I am fairly pretty, have a good sense of humor, am not a needy personality type. I just can't seem to meet anyone! (Church is the worst place to meet a man.) I am losing hope. Tortured Dear Tortured, Scripture does not instruct us to lead out-of-body lives, free of feeling, only to have faith that God's love changes our hearts and our behavior. Don't try to feel the way you're "supposed to feel" -- that's backward. Follow in the faith, and let God manage the rest, and you go ahead and look for romance. I don't think you'd be happy with a hairy-legged liberal agnostic, so you need to meet men of similar faith. But you probably need to diversify your social life, investigate other churches, practice some ecumenism. And you may need to find a job that lets you get out of town and travel around. Work is where romance strikes, evidently. Don't sell yourself short. Dear Mr. Blue, I find myself in a quandary. I have been married for 10 years now, have one son and a marriage that seems to be going nowhere. Three things seem to divide us: She does not feel comfortable with my friends, who happen to be female; she and I have entirely different ideas of what "hot sex" means and we're gulfs apart; she is religious and I am not, and she yearns for a religious household. Is this a typical mid-life crisis I'm going through? Do I punt, pass or kick? Dazed and Confused Dear D&C, These are long-term differences, on which you and she can reach some sort of compromise, but you must do it face to face, perhaps through the good offices of a counselor. This doesn't sound like a typical anything to me; I recommend you stick with your running game.
| ||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
||
Next page |