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Most of the time, my man is very romantic, bringing flowers for no reason, paying me
extravagant compliments, sending sweet notes, etc. But guess what I got for my birthday?
A set of kitchen chairs (OK, my old ones were falling apart). For Christmas, it was a new
computer hard drive (yes, I'd been grumbling about my lack of disk space). What do you
make of this? Is there a nice way I can tell him I'd love something more personal, or should
I count my blessings and work on my sense of humor? Bemused Dear Bemused, I make nothing of it because there is nothing to be made. You're blessed
with a loving man, and you seem to have a sense of humor, and I hope you two get to use
the kitchen chairs for many, many years together. Gifts are given freely and can't be
orchestrated by the recipient, otherwise they ain't gifts. Dear Mr. Blue, After three years of courtship and two years of marriage, my wife has decided she wants to
separate. There is no abuse and no violence in our household; in fact, she says I've been a
good husband. She just feels she made a mistake by getting married. Of course this is all
very confusing and hurtful. It was only a year and a half ago we were discussing children
and only last summer we were searching for a house. Luckily, neither one came to fruition
so a divorce would be a simple one. I just don't understand why this would happen and what
I should do. We went to counseling together, but my wife gave up on it after five weeks --
even though the therapist suggested a minimum of 10 weeks. What is going on?
Mr. Blue Garrison Keillor's column appears every Tuesday in Salon Books.
Feeling blue about your prose? In the doldrums over your last date? Ask Mr. Blue. Sad Dear Sad, It is sad that it happens and you should simply accept her explanation, that she made a mistake. She may have had doubts about the marriage all along and thought she could squelch them and instead they got bigger and bigger. This happens to people. They want to be married because it seems like the doorway to normal adult life. Your parents may treat you like a child for years if you remain single but they look at you as an adult when you marry. And marriage seems like a good hedge against loneliness. So people have an urge to leap. But if there's something wrong at the beginning, it may grow and become unbearable. Be glad it's as simple as it is, and try not to brood over it. No regrets, no recriminations. Say thank you and goodbye and God bless you, and move on. Dear Mr. Blue, OK, here's my dilemma. I'm madly in love with a brilliant, talented, loving, sweet, sexy musician with a blooming record career, two wonderful dogs, an overbearing mother and a few semi-psychotic exes. We dated for a year and then needed to take a break so he could deal with everything, and now he is trying to move on to bigger and better things, including (I hope) a future with me. We have both expressed a desire for marriage, kids, etc., but he needs to figure some stuff out, gain more of my trust, change his locks and make a commitment (all of which he has said he is willing to do). It's obvious he is making changes in his life. The problem is that I don't know how long I can wait. The suspense is killing me: Will he or won't he? I'm 25 and all my friends tell me I could do much better, but I want this man in my life even if he is a musician, sometimes can't pay the bills and isn't everyone's idea of the perfect provider. I don't care, I love him. I just don't want to become another semi-psychotic woman he has to change the locks against or wait for something that may never happen. Help! To wait or not to wait? Pining Dear Pining, There are a thousand jokes about musicians and their love lives (What do you call a guitarist who loses his girlfriend? Homeless.), most of them told by musicians. I admire musicians -- some of my best friends, etc. -- and I also think it's a field in which a main occupational hazard is self-delusion. There are a few musicians who earn a million dollars a year, and a lot of musicians who earn $4000 a year, and not many who earn $35,000 a year with health benefits. This gets stressful as people get older, and anyone who gets involved romantically with a musician should understand this. It's fine and noble to have a big dream; it ain't necessarily so fine to be in love with someone with a big dream. And I think you should pay attention to the gentleman's string of semi-psychotic ex-girlfriends. Just be aware of them, be aware that history loves repetition, and don't dismiss your friends' advice out of hand. If you wait, don't wait passively -- like a piece of merchandise waiting to be claimed -- wait and be watchful. Dear Mr. Blue, I believe that this December I had my best chance to date a woman who I can't stop admiring, but I can't pull out all the stops and try to win her over romantically because I feel a religious calling that, though not requiring sexual abstinence, is not spiritually compatible with her type of character and personality. But even after praying for the romantic feelings to go away, I just can't shake them. What should I do? Born Again Bluesman Dear Born Again, Scripture doesn't promise that God will remove temptation, only that
you'll be given strength to withstand it. Temptation seems to be constant, a regular river,
though of course one can choose to climb out of the current and at least get up on shore.
You seem to have done that. What else should you do? Nothing. Just plain nothing.
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