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A match made in hell?
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Dear Mr. Blue, I'm a nice Minnesota girl living in the big city, and about two months ago I ran into a guy I
knew in college. We always had the hots for each other but never did anything about it.
Now, 13 years later, we find we're both still single and available. Running into him
brought back all the old hormones, and we had a conversation in which he told me he felt
the same thing, but that we'd probably be "a match made in hell." I know what he means:
He's smart, sarcastic, insecure, and so am I, and it's a constant battle of wits. But we agreed
that it would be fun to get to know each other again on a no-pressure basis, and since then
we've been shopping, going out to eat, seeing movies. It's a lot of fun, and I could definitely
see something developing here. He's a smartass, but he's also very encouraging about my
work, shows up when he says he will; I know he likes me as a friend and is attracted to
me physically, but he seems very hesitant to take a plunge. Part of the problem is his
insecurity, but I don't know if there's more to it than that. All my friends tell me I should
lay it on the line and tell him how I feel. But I don't want to scare him off. On the other
hand, I don't want to act so cool and unconcerned that he doesn't think I'm interested. What
should I do? Ready Dear Ready, We are all waiting to see what happens next. Breathlessly. Interesting story.
The man demurring, the woman pursuing, both of them picking up an old chapter. One
could take his early demurral as flirtatious. Or not. But why should Mr. Blue spoil this story
by tossing out a big clunky piece of advice? Life is a mystery. Play on, gypsy fiddler. Dear Mr. Blue, My boyfriend of eight years proposed to me and I am as happy as I could be, but I'm
worried about the wedding. He and I are private people and have always talked about
escaping somewhere to marry, but recently I have started to think that marriage requires a
proper ritual. (I felt bad when my father and his new wife married secretly.)
Though I cringe at the thought of the ice front between my divorced parents, and the whole
idea of a family gathering. Should we elope, not giving my upset relatives a second thought, or should I say to hell
with my childish parents and throw a party for my relatives anyway? Mr. Blue Garrison Keillor's column appears every Tuesday in Salon Books.
Feeling blue about your prose? In the doldrums over your last date? Ask Mr. Blue. The Bride Dear Bride, Marriage is a bold step and the wedding ritual is for the brave hearts who embark on it, not for the family. If the family is in discord and unable to come to the wedding feast in a spirit of unanimity, then the couple should forge ahead on their own. Good that you think about your family, but if your parents are angry and still hissing at each other and the thought of a family gathering gives you pain, then don't gather them; gather a few cohorts, my dear, and go off and marry this man in a lovely place, in a beautiful way, on a day that is yours entirely and devoid of old arguments, a wedding you and he can recall with pleasure. And when it's all over, go back to worrying about your family. Dear Mr. Blue, I made an unhappy discovery while visiting my boyfriend, and that is that he looks at pornography on the Internet. We've lived in two different cities for several years and are in the process of getting back together, but I don't know what to make of the situation. Frankly, I'm not sure where I stand on the matter of porn. Strikes me as banal and sad somehow. Feeling Sad Dear Sad, I'm not sure where I stand either. It is banal, but then so is a great deal of literature that excites people's imaginations, and in the end one has to admire the power of the human imagination to take these plain materials and run wild with them. Men crave intimacy and when they can't find it, or find enough of it, they somehow can look at pictures of naked women and invent a whole drama from it. I think you can decide about your boyfriend based on your experience with him, and as far as the porn goes, give him the benefit of the doubt. Dear Mr. Blue, I'm 43, female, still single. I grew up in Manhattan in a large alcoholic literary family; everyone was very intense and unique, there was pressure to dazzle the world, and alternately wonderful and stultifying experiences. I escaped on the verge of self-destruction at the age of 28 to the Midwest, where I found a new way of life and a successful career as a psychotherapist. I'm currently ensconced in a busy provincial little city, have a practice, and simplicity, and less pressure. But I never meet anyone in a romantic way, and I feel something important and indefinable is missing in my life. I've focused on spiritual pursuits, and they add joy and mystery to my life. But I am still lonely. Is this my life condition? I miss my cruel and beautiful family, and my roots, and I need a partner. Do I move back to Manhattan? Should I try the personals? Content and Discontent Dear C & D, I love the Midwest and am glad you found refuge and solace here, but if something important is missing in your life and you're 43, then perhaps you need to look elsewhere. Maybe you're resisting romance because this might tie you here and make you one of us. You certainly sound like an exile. If I read you right, I'd suggest that you've achieved what you were looking for here, you escaped from your intense family and your own self-destructiveness, and now, 15 years later, you can safely return to Manhattan. It is probably a better place to find a partner than a provincial little city. And your family is there, and if you want to return to your roots, this is a darned good time to do it. A long exile, but a successful one, and now you get to start afresh in your old hometown, which can be a great boon to the spirit. I know, I did it myself.
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