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An affair to forget | page 1, 2, 3
I am a church pastor who writes fiction, and I keep bumping up against
taboos. Church folk just can't accept a pastor writing about drugs,
drinking, sexual promiscuity and so forth, at least not in a full and honest
way. How can I be real as a writer and maintain my pastorate among folk
who don't expect their pastor to know about such things? Afraid to Publish Dear Afraid, Don't fight your church folk. Recognize that you are about
two entirely different lines of work and do both under two different
names. A pen name is a very useful device for a writer. I, for example,
use the name Mr. Blue, whereas in fact I am Rev. G. Mitchell Timmy,
youth pastor of Bethel Pentecostal Church in Bemidji, Minn. The
folks who entrust me with their teenagers on camping trips would not be
comfortable with my writing about sodomy and rough sex and such things
that pop up from time to time among the Salon readership. You should
consider doing the same. Dear Mr. Blue, I saw you a few months ago on a flight to Detroit, sitting in first class and
reading a paperback and not too subtly picking your nose. My question is
this: How does it feel to be famous and know that your every move is
being watched? 8C Dear 8C, I haven't been through Detroit since the summer of 1996, and
that was en route to Nova Scotia in the company of my wife and my
mother, whom I would never pick my nose in front of. I'm afraid you
must've seen Bill Gates, who is often mistaken for me. I'm sure that he
finds it odd sometimes to be famous and under close scrutiny, but then he
goes home to his house in Redmond, which is about the size of the
Merchandise Mart, and he roller-skates on his coffee table, and life starts
to look jolly again. Mr. Blue Garrison Keillor's column appears every Tuesday in Salon Books.
Feeling blue about your prose? In the doldrums over your last date? Ask Mr. Blue. Dear Mr. Blue, Last night I went out with my girlfriend to a restaurant here in Santa Monica, a loud one, and at the table next to us was a female couple on a cell phone relay team and on the other side was a woman describing her dates to a friend ("I liked that he KNEW stuff ... ya know?"). I'm laffing and writing it down on the sly because I'm a writer, and my girlfriend gets all moody cuz she feels I am being rude to her, and I say this is what writers do, we eavesdrop to get good lines, and she says, Why don't you go sit with them then? Was she right? Was I thoughtless? Guilty Guy Dear Guilty, I like that you write stuff down. Ya know? A writer can't turn off his ears or disengage his intelligence, and where there's good material, there needs to be note taking. Tell your girlfriend to cut you a little slack. Life isn't a line dance. Living with absent-mindedness is a small price to pay for the honor of hanging out with a writer. If she thinks it's too high, then let her take up with a doctor or lawyer. These guys are at the office from dawn to midnight six days a week, so she'll have to learn how to enjoy eating alone at Woolworth's lunch counter, and on the rare occasions when they're around, they sit stunned by overwork, quietly masticating their broiled salmon and writing on a notepad some ideas about the Marston case. Don't apologize for being a writer, pal. You set a bad precedent that way. But your girlfriend's line is a great line. She sounds like a Minnesota girl to me. Dear Mr. Blue, I have a bunch of snippets I've written that I like. I meant to write a novel, but is there anything to be done with say, three paragraphs times 80? I can't seem to string them together. Piecemeal Dear Piecemeal, The market for snippets is pretty good if they're the right snippets. Look at the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" factory that cranks out trite faux-inspirational snippets like Kraft makes cheesy noodles. These are bathroom books: You put them on the toilet tank and you reach for one as you drop your trousers. I suspect that your snippets are snipped from a more literary brand of cloth than the Soup books, and I'm a little dubious about such a book, but probably this is an indicator of its tremendous potential. Before you issue your paragraph collection, though, do see if you can't string them on a narrative. It makes it so much easier for the poor reader. Dear Mr. Blue, I've been dating my boyfriend for over five years now, and he's wonderful except for the fact that he can't make a decision about whether he wants to marry me. I believe that he loves me as deeply as I love him, but when the subject of marriage comes up, he says that he's not ready to make the commitment. I guess he feels haunted by bad decisions in his past. We've had an intensely close, loving relationship for more than five years, and it's hurtful to me that after all we've shared, he's still unsure about planning a life with me. Recently he told me that he thinks about marrying me a lot but just can't seem to make the decision. I said that I didn't really believe that we would ever get married, and he said that I was being unfair. Am I being unfair? I want to feel that the man I marry wants our marriage as much as I do, but after being put off for so long, I wonder if I'll ever feel that security with this man. I'm not in a hurry, but I'd like to think that I'll be able to have a family and grow old with someone I love. I still harbor the hope that he will surprise me by proposing. Waiting Dear Waiting, Marriage is a tremendous commitment and a person ought
to experience some tremors over it. The soul should be searched, one's
life examined, one should stand on tiptoe and try to peer over the hill
ahead and see where the road turns, one should contemplate poverty and
ill health and various dark scenarios, and ask serious questions. But they
need to be answered promptly. If you need to brood for years, then the
answer is probably no. This man is thinking too hard. I think you should
withdraw the question.
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