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Our daughter is 9 months old and will only sleep in bed with us, her
exhausted and sex-starved mom and dad. We are
torn between the family-bed, attachment-parenting people who think it's all
fine and healthy to let your child fling her limbs all over you and
snore in your ear all night long, and the cry-it-out people who think that if
kids can't get themselves to sleep in their own beds they'll grow up
damaged. It seems cruel to send her off to her cold, dark room, and cruel
to us to keep her with us. What would you do? Bleary Eyed Mom Dear Bleary, A 9-month-old child has no opinion in the matter and will
have no memory of this period. If she grows up to be a writer, she won't
mention in her memoir the pain she felt when she was torn from the
family bed and thrown into a cold, dark room. Frankly, compared to the
shock of leaving the uterus, this is not that bad. So I am in favor of the
baby discovering her own crib and you and your husband having sex and
then falling asleep. Do you still know how to do this? You rip his
undershirt off and he makes a low guttural sound and tears your negligee
from stem to stern and you fall upon each other moaning and groping and
an hour later you lie on your backs exhausted, your naked bodies
glistening with sweat. Meanwhile, your daughter sleeps, or she doesn't
sleep, she mutters or she weeps a little, but this is not to be confused with
actual suffering. The family-bed people are the same ditzy, de-sexed
hippies who gave us coverall fashion and promoted bland cooking as high
cuisine. The babies of these attachment parents will grow up sleeping with
them in their yurts and when the babies are 16, they will turn on the
parents with a vengeance and shriek and curse and play bass guitar and get
swastika tattoos, while your child, the one who got sent to a cold, dark
room, will become a cellist and turn out elegant watercolors and love you
with a whole heart. Go figure. Dear Mr. Blue, I have just gotten engaged to a great woman who is everything I need in
life.
She helped me out of a big mess and I am forever grateful to her. The
only thing is that she is a little heavy and not at all like all the
starlets and models I run into in my work and social life. These girls are
constantly coming on to me. I have not cheated on her yet and
I do not plan to. What I do, though, is fantasize about other women when
we
are having sex. Can I possibly marry this girl when I am
doing this during an engagement? Please throw some knowledge my way. Fantasy Man Dear Man, She's a great woman and she gave you a helping hand and
you're forever grateful, but this is not enough to base a marriage on. I'm
sorry. It's not her weight, it's what's in your heart. You don't have the
requisite fervor, lust, whatever you want to call it. If, during your
engagement, you are starting to fantasize about other women, you should
call this off. Really. "I have not cheated on her yet" is not the note of
giddy passion we're looking for at this point, sir. Release this great
woman immediately and when starlets and models come on to you, seduce
them one after the other, dozens of them, hundreds, and enjoy the
pleasures of the flesh, and someday, propped up in your big circular bed
with the vibrating mattress under the ceiling mirror, sipping a mineral
water and waiting for your fourth starlet of the day to come tiptoeing into
your room with the pink carpeted walls, you will say, "Thank you, Mr.
Blue, for saving me from a life with Eleanor Roosevelt." Dear Mr. Blue, We are both 28. He wants to have five children, I don't want to have any.
He just asked me to marry him. I love him dearly and cannot think of
anyone I'd rather marry, but I don't think he'd be happy childless and I
am unwilling to compromise with one or two children. Is this as hopeless
as I think it is? Non-Breeder Dear Non-Breeder, Of course it's hopeless. Why do you ask? If you were
going to London, why would you get on a plane to Dallas? Don't marry
this guy. Find one who is child-unfriendly and marry him. Dear Mr. Blue, One of my closest friends told me last night that she doesn't want me to
call her anymore. She was apologetic and says it's nothing I've
said or done, but that she no longer feels comfortable having a close
friendship with a married man, even though we've never been
romantically attracted to one another. Earlier this year she confided to
me some marital problems, and every couple of weeks we talked as she went
through a difficult divorce. (My wife knew about this from the start, and
was quite understanding about it.) I'm very hurt
and a little angry, and I'll miss her a lot. It was wonderful for me
to have a close relationship with a woman without an undercurrent of
romantic intrigue or sexuality. So what is it about a married man having
women for friends? Bewildered Dear Bewildered, You can only be friends with them what wants to be
friends with you. She doesn't. I guess she felt that she was falling in love
with you. Who knows? Give it up. Maybe she'll think better of it and
want to be friends again in a few months. But friendships are perishable.
And they go through periods of drought and dormancy. Let this one go.
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