| |||||
|
Arts & Entertainment  BooksComics Health & Body Media Mothers Who Think News People Politics2000 Technology - Free Software Project Travel & Food  Columnists
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - Also Today For a full list of today's Salon Books stories, go to the
Books home page. - - - - - - - - - - - - Search Salon - - - - - - - - - - - - Salon Columnists - - - - - - - - - - - - Recently in Salon Books Reviews Book Bag Ivory Tower Reviews - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
DEAR MR. BLUE: Healthy urges
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Mr. Blue learned a few things from the readership this week: first, that
bad breath is due to disease, either bad tonsils or sinus infections or
periodontal disease or roast beef mulching between the molars, and so I
should have advised Holding My Breath to tell her boyfriend to see a
dentist or an ENT specialist. (That stands for Elbow, Neck & Thorax, by
the way.) Mr. Blue's breath is sometimes funky, but that is due to a
combination of french fries, ketchup and a 1988 Bordeaux. Several readers protested my dismissive response to No Follow Through,
the chronic procrastinator. One said: "Shame, shame! The problems this
person reported are classic symptoms of depression. It's a vicious cycle
that I am just now coming out of because of good counseling and
prescription drugs. Don't assume when someone says their house and life
is a mess that it isn't a living hell for them -- it is." OK. Fine by me.
Get counseling and drugs then. Another reader felt that No Follow
Through might be suffering from ADD or ADHD, "disorders that can
result in great personal stress, low self-esteem, depression, inability to
maintain intimate relationships or hold down jobs etc." A book was
recommended: "Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping With
Attention Deficit Disorder From Childhood Through Adulthood" by
Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey, who, according to the reader,
are both M.D.s with ADD. As soon as I finish James Joyce's "Finnegans
Wake," I intend to tackle this tome. Joyce, by the way, suffered from
personal stress and depression and had self-esteem issues, too, and had a
hard time holding down jobs. Both he and his common-law wife, Nora,
were in great need of good counseling and prescription drugs. It's a
tragedy that they lived when they did and not 50 years later when more
help was available. And now Mr. Blue's attention is wandering and I must
go to another subject. Sorry. There was a lovely fake letter this week, purportedly from a man who
took a class in creative writing and fell in love with his teacher ("she is
gorjous and she like me a lot") and now he must decide whether to
become a "famass writer" or an international opera star (he has a loud
voice from "hollaring at pigs") and would I like to hear a tape of his
"sinning"? It took me back to my childhood days when I used to think that
Orpheus C. Kerr and Petroleum V. Nasby were a real stitch. Also Today Not this year, dear
Mr. Blue Garrison Keillor's column appears every Tuesday in Salon Books.
Feeling blue about your prose? In the doldrums over your last date? Ask Mr. Blue. Dear Mr. Blue, My boyfriend of eight years never wants to have sex, and it's driving me mad. When we first got together, the sex was frequent and fun; we'd do it in the morning, in the evening and midday if the opportunity presented itself. After those early halcyon days, he experienced a rash of health problems (not serious, but aggravating), and our sex life became more and more spotty. For the past two years, we've often gone for two or three months at a time with no action. I have stopped initiating sex because invariably he's not in the mood, and it became too depressing to try. We have discussed this, and he has seen therapists, tried anti-depressive medication, but to no avail: His libido has just checked out. He's physically capable of having sex, and he claims that it's not me, he's just not interested in sex with anyone. I don't want to end the relationship -- he's sweet and charming and talented, and living with him has been a pleasure. However, I'm only 28, I have healthy urges. I don't want to have to beg for it, I don't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to do and I don't think I can look for sex outside of our relationship without destroying it. And I don't like being quietly angry at him all the time. Should I break it off? Fling myself into the arms of other men? Or just get used to it? Eunuch Dear Eunuch, All doors appear to be closed, and short of cutting a hole in the wall, or burning down the house, there's no logical way to make this work. Drugs, therapy, cajoling, nothing works. You can keep looking -- zinc tablets, oysters on the half shell, the right shade of beige lingerie, Chopin waltzes, long walks on the beach -- but you don't have time for that. You're a patient, thoughtful, intelligent person, and, I'm sure, incredibly sexy. His trouble isn't your doing. And he does not benefit from your attempts to help. Let's consider one obvious possibility, that the man may be gay. If he were, and if his background made this an emotionally lacerating fact, he might require years to come around to a reasonably happy solution, and in the meantime, what should you do to help? Crochet pillowcases? Write sonnets? You have a responsibility to carry on with your own life. Start sleeping in a separate bed, be sweet, be charming and start looking for a new place to live. Dear Mr. Blue, I'm male, 19, dedicated to writing, editing my first novel, plotting my writing career. My best friend is a lovely young woman who's 18, and lately we've become really close. I'd love to go beyond just friends. The problem is she respects and listens to her immigrant parents, and the only people her parents want her hanging out with are med/law-school track guys of their ethnic group who'll make a lot of money, whereas I am an American who writes and plays bass guitar, and who is probably not going to make too much money. So I don't know if pursuing a deeper relationship would accomplish anything. Any ideas? Hopeful Dear Hopeful, You have written to the wrong advice columnist, sir. I am the father of a daughter, and though she is only 2, my guard is up and I intend to protect her from bass guitarist/novelist-track guys who can only break her heart and lead her through an emotional morass and into a life of poverty. Bass guitarists do not lead stable, productive lives, sir. I say that on the basis of knowing two guys, a small sample, but fathers must form judgments as best they can. Be a pal to your lovely friend, don't complicate her life, pursue your career and when she finds Dr. Right Ethnic, attend the wedding and make a toast to her happiness. And say hello to her parents from me.
| ||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
||
Next page |