| ||||||
|
Arts & Entertainment  BooksComics Health & Body Media Mothers Who Think News People Politics2000 Technology - Free Software Project Travel & Food  Columnists
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - Also Today For a full list of today's Salon Books stories, go to the
Books home page. - - - - - - - - - - - - Search Salon - - - - - - - - - - - - Salon Columnists - - - - - - - - - - - - Recently in Salon Books Book Bag Reviews Ivory Tower Ivory Tower - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Years ago I moved to Europe to marry somebody. We've been very happy
together, and I have nothing to complain about. We weren't perhaps
what
each other imagined as the ideal mate, but it's worked out rather
shockingly well. But lately, I've been unhappy. I think part of the problem is that I know my husband would never be
willing to live in the U.S. He's a writer, and his skills are very
language-based, and that language isn't English. I've known that from the
beginning. It was one of the things he told me to make sure I was
comfortable before we got married. I thought I was. But the thought
of having kids together (something we're discussing) feels somehow like
closing the door on ever going home. I never thought of the U.S. as home when I lived there, and ironically I'm
not sure I could ever go back. I like the lifestyle in Europe very much,
and it suits me much better. It's somehow that the "never" is finally
sinking in, and it makes me sad. What do I do? Am I just having the vapors? Expatriate Mr. Blue Garrison Keillor's column appears every Tuesday in Salon Books.
Feeling blue about your prose? In the doldrums over your last date? Ask Mr. Blue. Dear Expatriate, Glad to hear you're thriving in Holland and enjoying your life, and good for you that you were able to make the transition. This twinge of nostalgia and regret is utterly normal and nothing to brood over, a sort of backwash from the happiness of your life. You should go ahead and have children and raise them Dutch and give them the benefit of your American heritage. They'll learn English, of course, in school, but you can give them so much more -- the stories, the mythology, the art -- and someday you can bring them here and show them all the wonders, from Manhattan to Montana. The U.S. is good to come back to, and you'll keep coming back, and count yourself lucky to have two lands to be happy in and two languages to tell about it. Dear Mr. Blue, I am a semi-retired academic working on a novel based loosely on the romantic adventures of my beloved children. I'm concerned they will see themselves in the characters and plot. I have included a few steamy scenes in the novel, and I am afraid my children [all in their 30s] will say, "How could you?" Even though they've done nothing shameful, they may feel that I have betrayed their confidences. This is bothering me a lot. How can I get around such a roadblock? Squelched Dear Squelched, This calls for the Big Nose gambit. If you're worried that a character in your novel may be taken for someone you know, stick a huge beezer on them. Or a tiny penis. No man will ever see himself in a character of minor endowment. Dear Mr. Blue, My niece was engaged to a Moroccan man for three years. It turns out he was an illegal immigrant here in Britain and he escaped abroad before Immigration came a-knockin'. I and the rest of my family all thought we'd heard the last of the rotter, but we now discover that he has moved to Rotterdam, where he is working illegally, and my niece has decided to go over and join him. Not only that, to do this she is giving up an excellent job here and deferring her university course for a year. She won't listen to any of us, and she won't tell us where she is going to be living when she goes there. What to do? Dysfunctional Uncle Dear Uncle, There is nothing to be done, given the facts as you describe them, so don't put yourself through agonies of worry over it. Every adult person has the freedom to take up with a rotter and a rounder, and the family is powerless to prevent it. Do avoid hysteria, though. Keep your communications with her friendly and uncensorious, and this will help you stay in touch with her, which is the important thing. Dear Mr. Blue, Recently, after a year of self-imposed celibacy after a traumatic breakup, I met a man who talks to me about the right things, holds me in the right places, makes me feel all gooey and hopeful about love. I think it's a great sign. What I'm concerned about is a gaping age difference. I haven't had the courage to ask him the big number, but I hear he's got at least 20 years on my paltry 25. What do you think? Juvenile in New Jersey Dear Juvenile, If the warm feelings are there, focus on those, and don't worry about the arithmetic. Age difference isn't so important as you get older, which all of us eventually do. What matters, past the age of 25 or so, isn't how long you've lived but rather how long you have left, and none of us knows the answer to that. Set this concern aside for now. Dear Mr. Blue, I'm troubled by the rampant marital infidelity that appears in your column. Are there no moral distinctions anymore? Have we reached a point where nothing can categorically be described as simply "wrong"? I believe that cheating, lying, deception are just flat-out wrong. Always. Has the world passed me by? Am I hopelessly old-fashioned? Why do you continually dismiss the moral implications of infidelity in your response to readers' questions? I think sometimes it's important to take a moral stance even if it's unpopular. Troubled Dear Troubled, Cheating, lying, deception are flat-out wrong, always, and people who
are unfaithful know so. Thus the high anxiety and misery attendant upon
adultery. This hasn't changed all that much. The divorce laws have made
it easier for people to escape from a hard marriage, but infidelity is as
morally untenable as ever. People are mysterious, however, and life is
complicated, and these things happen. People get stuck in marriages that
are cold and inhospitable, with partners who treat them like furniture, and
people never lose their hunger for romance and tenderness. That's one
reason for adultery. And one would like to understand why people do what
they do. One would prefer a glimmer of understanding to the pleasures of
condemning bad behavior. I hope there is a moral stance behind my
advice, and I hope there is sympathy for people who are struggling.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - Search Salon | |||||
 |
 |
 |
 |
|||
